HOW TO RECEIVE A COMPLIMENT: Self-love is letting people love on you
3 ways to let people love on you and gush about how great you are — without feeling guilty, weird or like you need to say something nice about them too.
As I traveled the world speaking with people, especially women, I’ve noticed that women, while great at giving, really suck at receiving. Unless she has made a specific effort to become better at receiving love, support, recognition, acknowledgment, abundance, grace, and ease, she works too hard, does too much on her own, doesn’t get paid her worth, and downplays her beauty, her brilliance, her impact and her accomplishments.
And this is not serving anyone – because every time you downplay yourself, half receive recognition, shrink back instead of lean into your beauty and brilliance, the world loses, the people you love lose, because we receive less love from you now more. Self-love is letting yourself be seen, fully.
Living like you are a bank who only gives withdrawals instead of receiving deposits leaves you spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally bankrupt. A bank couldn’t survive and thrive without receiving deposits and neither can you!
Today I invite you, I dare you to consider making it a self love practice to become a GREAT RECEIVER.
This is a life long practice – I’ve been practicing for 7 years, and every year I and my life get better because of it.
How do you become a great receiver?
You start taking in deposits! The simplest way to begin is to become really good at RECEIVING compliments – they are like small but mighty deposits of love.
Use this three step process + bonus step!
STEP ONE: BE AWARE OF YOUR BELIEFS & CHANGE THEM: Why is it so hard to take a compliment?
1. You’ve been taught that Good people give. Bad people take. Truth: No one wants to be called a taker. Great. So don’t be a taker. Be a “receiver.” Because here’s the truth — when someone gives you a compliment they are giving love, literally, to you. You aren’t taking anything from them.
2. You’ve been taught it’s better to give THAN receive. Truth: Giving and receiving are not mutually exclusive. The better equation where everyone wins is “It’s better to give AND receive.” Change your value equation, increase your ability to see that both are good.
STEP TWO: BE AWARE OF YOUR BAD HABITS & CHANGE THEM: What Are Your Most Common Compliment Rejection Techniques?
Are you…
1. Like Teflon – the compliment comes in and you let is slide right off of you, so it never really touches you. You say the words like you are receiving the compliment, but at best it’s a weak “Oh thank you…” and you change the subject, or start talking right away.
2. Like Rubber – the compliment comes in and you immediately say something nice about the other person. “Oh thank you and you too. You are also so … “
3. Like a Window Shade… the compliment comes in to showcase your brilliance or beauty, and you pull the shade down and downplay it. “Oh this old thing, I got it at Target!” or “Oh, it wasn’t really that big of a deal.” or “Oh I didn’t really do anything.”
When someone gives you a compliment next time, stop, drop and RECEIVE IT… Let it land and take it in. Because here is the truth. They are literally giving you love — so when you don’t receive fully the compliment, it’s like saying “I don’t want your love.” Ouch. Receive the love, and the person giving the compliment will feel so much better. Self-love is letting people love you.
STEP 3: REALLY FEEL YOUR BEAUTY & BRILLIANCE & TAKE THIS DARING ACT OF LOVE.
This dare from the Madly in Love with ME Book will help you become really good at letting the compliments land.
My friend best selling author Marci Shimoff who wrote Love for No Reason says it takes 20 seconds to fully receive a compliment. Learn to open your heart to fully receive – it starts with a compliment… and that affects everything from your relationships, to your career, to your happiness.
STEP FOUR — SPECIAL INVITATION… LOVE ON YOURSELF RIGHT HERE!!!
Give yourself a big dose of love by acknowledging yourself for your beauty and brilliance right here on the blog. Move past the fear of being called a bragger, and instead from a place of LOVE and ACKNOWLEDGMENT let your heart speak the truth of how beautiful and brilliant you are.
I’ll start…
“Christine I just had to acknowledge you for how much you have built your faith muscles in the last 10 years… how again and again you just follow spirit’s guidance, even when it seems unconventional. You always keep your promise to yourself to never settle for less than your heart and soul desires.. and that is inspiring.
Okay… I did mine – do I sound like a bragger? No because that came straight from my heart.
Now your turn… dare to choose love for yourself! Choose self-love.
To learn more about being true to yourself read my book
Madly in Love with ME: The Daring adventure of becoming your own best friend!
So doing this right now. Thank you. Once I have it complied I will post. <3
Danielle — What I love about you is your sense of adventure that you are willing to explore things and try them out. (Add on: This is so very true of me and very much right and a trait that I will never let go.)
Danielle- keep being the fabulous free adventurer that you are – inspiring us all to be free!!
Ok, here goes…Colleen, I just love the way you have worked hard on digging deep within yourself over the past several years to bring past hurts to the surface, feel the suppressed emotions and heal the wounds. You have chosen to make love and not just love, but self love a priority and as a result have had a massive wake up call to change careers and promote self love. I am very proud of you and know you will get better each day about receiving.
Colleen – WHOO HOO!!! you are an awesome ambassador of love and your choice to love you is such a gift to your heart and soul, and to each of us. YES YES to being so extremely proud of YOURSELF!!
shweta, i need to tell you how reliable and loving person you are. How despite falling so may times, you still muster courage and keep on walking towards the liberating path to love, for always listening your inner guidance and doing the best for you.
Shweta – you trust yourself and that is a powerful reflection for us all – thank you for being a courageous soul who dares to listen to her inner wisdom even when life is hard.
Jill I have to tell you how incredibly proud of you I am. You’ve healed so much, shifted so many beliefs, learned to love yourself for who you are, set up boundaries and been darn nearly fearlessly growing into the awesome person you never knew you were! Keep going, girl! You’re 7/8 of the way there!
Your tenacity and dedication and devotion to yourself is beautiful Jill. Keep leaning in to love!
This is fabulous! It resonates the truth in what I value in me, and to let go of what is not. I have sensed that when not receiving a compliment, being rude can be perceived by others when trying to block receiving the love /compliment. It bounces off like rubber in a rudely manner and causes pain to the giver. Lastly, in addition to not being able to receive compliments as love beams, I am good at taking in attacks of being a failure, not worthy of love etc.,received with depression, self loathing and unworthiness. “Times they are a changing.” Thanks for another opportunity to see love in and out….
Lupita – seeing you opening to receiving the love beams and blocking out the hate beams — you deserve love always. believe that.
My turn….”Kavita I really acknowledge & love you for how you’ve been focussed on your growth. You’ve come such a long way & you’re making so much progress. You have really opened yourself up to giving & receiving love in so many ways. I love the way you’re able to stay cheerful & positive no matter what. And above all, I love the way you’ve been allowing yourself to feel & own your emotions, & feel relaxed & REALLY enjoy life”
Kavita, your willingness to open your heart is so beautiful! Thank you for being willing to open the doors to your heart – you are indeed a living breathing reflection of the divine.
Kristen,
I appreciate how much you are willing to evolve and grow and constantly let go of the false beliefs that no longer serve you! It is amazing the work you do to start living
through your inner wisdom and higher self instead of through your inner mean girl. You go girl!!!!
Kristen the love you have for yourself is so evident, so beautiful and so inspiring – thank you for choosing to love yourself! it inspires us all to love ourselves more too.
Maria, I am so amazed at how you come back to a place of optimism and generosity again and again. It is a true reflection of your resilient spirit!
Maria – yes! Your capacity to find the positive and the grace no matter what makes you a strong force of nature that is literally creating more love just by being you.
Juli, you are THE BEST aunt to your two nephews. The rest of the family may not acknowledge it, but YOU ROCK, and your nephews LOVE YOU for who YOU are!
Yes Juli! Your nephews are so fortunate to have aunt who loves them so much – you are a gift to their souls.
Linda, I have to tell you how much I love it when you give love to your speech therapy patients. It makes such a difference in their lives when someone sees them for who they are and not just a disease like the face of Parkinson’s or a left side stroke as they are often referred to in rehab. You make such a positive difference in their lives.
Yes Linda you make a BIG BIG positive difference in the lives of these people.
Silvia, you have some a long way. Finding self-love has been hard work and you have finally dedicated the time and energy it takes to make yourself a priority in your life, because you are worth it. You’re such a devoted daughter, God-mother, aunt, educator, mentor and friend. You are actively working towards healing, nurturing and truly loving yourself by being intentional and reflective about your actions while learning to be forgiving and compassionate to yourself. I am so proud of you 🙂 It’s a long road, keep on keeping on and remember YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Here goes…Usha you have come a long way from the unsure,inhibited frightened girl without any confidence ,with no sense of self importance,someone who always thought others were better and she was never good enough, one who merged with the background or hid behind the curtain, never thought her opinions would be taken seriously, thought others were always right and she was wrong ,always placed the other person ahead of herself even at the cost of her own comforts and self image.Today I am a different person.I realize as I write this how many boundaries and limitations I have broken, how many demons I have fought to come this far. I still have many more to deal with. But today I have the confidence that whatever my shortcomings may be, I am a person to be valued,I am worth it, my Thoughts and words have value, I am good at my work and most of all I am a good human being. I am acknowledging my shortfalls and dealing with them, analyzing them, looking for reasons that lead me to react the way I do. I still do not love and appreciate myself as much as I should and the way I should, but I am working on it. Every day I become aware of a new good or bad facet of myself but unlike earlier, I do not under play the good or get depressed with the bad. In time I will learn to love ME for who I am, be more compassionate, kind and forgiving to myself.Your blog and the book will help me a long way in this journey . Thanks Carolyn. Much love