Stop Over-Giving and Over-Doing – start slowing down to receive

 In Self Love, Self Worth, Transforming Your Life

At my live self love events on the Team Love Tour, I’ve been talking a lot about how most of us are great at GIVING and DOING and kind of lousy at RECEIVING and RESTING.

Why is it so hard to receive without giving something back? To rest, without feeling guilty?

See if any of these ring true for you…

  • You’ve been taught its better to give than receive.
  • You value giving and doing more than receiving and resting.
  • You don’t trust that receiving and resting will give you what you need to be taken care of.
  • You’ve made yourself manager of the universe. Your ego likes to keep you believing that if you aren’t doing it, it likely won’t get done, or get done right.
  • To get what you need, you believe that you have to give more, buy more or make more.

If any of these ring true, the truth is you work more, spend more than you have to. And probably feel more of the burden of having to do it all on your own. And the burden is real. Because if you are always the one giving and doing, you don’t leave the space for the divine to come in and do the heavy lifting for you. And that is just not self love!

This week the Divine showed up in the form of yellow boots, an oyster farm, a beautiful house on the Puget Sound off the coast of Seattle Washington with a view that allowed me to literally crowdsource my dinner, receive a car, and really get how grace moves when we create the space – and stop trying to do it all and figure it out ourselves.

Noah with Group Making Dinner

Here’s me with Jan – the oyster farmer who grows oysters right outside her house and lent me the yellow boots, she gave us the oysters and an entire lesson on growing them before we ever invited her and her husband to dinner. Doug – the best mussel cleaner (and a great lawyer!). Char – provided the view, the table and the home. Noah – our chef. Me  – the inspiration and the extrovert who talked to Jan, met Char through a friend, and decided we should all have paella and Oysters Rockefeller for dinner.

Yellow Boots Walking


This experience left me with these questions, that I ask you this week and then talk about in this week’s video –

  1. Where in your life are you over-giving and over-doing and not leaving the space for Grace to come in.
  2. And how can you RECEIVE more by using what you already have? Or what others can offer?
  3. What if it wasn’t a man eat man world… but instead, together we really could create what we needed, and all work less?

This week’s love letter is an inspirational story + short but mighty process that I’ve used to curtail the over-doing and over-giving and allow Grace to do its magic.  And in the process you choose self love for yourself.

Watch this weeks video and loosen your over giving and over doing grip to create space and allow grace to do the work for you.

And then post here on the blog ONE SMALL BUT MIGHTY ACTION you can take to STOP OVER GIVING & OVER DOING … and start RECEIVING.

I’ll go first…

I am saying NO to creating events this fall that I have to run and support on my own. I am So willing to go where the Divine grace would lead me, supported to speak with people ready for the messages and teachings of self-love, owning our worth, and the feminine super powers.

Okay, now your turn… apply the super power of self love and take action…



To deepen your self-love, make this the year, the year you love yourself more by joining me at the Love Club, where together we will grow a branch of self-love every month, all year long.


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Showing 20 comments
  • Maureen

    What a wonderful video! This perspective is really helpful – the more I’m trying to control, the less I’m allowing grace to take care of. I think I’ll put that on my frig 🙂
    ~ Controla Freakini

    • carylo17

      Maureen – love the sign off!! and the honesty. xox

  • Genevieve

    Trying to do it all on my own and not allow grace to come in has been costing me my JOY. I am willing to allow God to crowd-source my FRIENDSHIPS! I will stop trying to make relationships happen, and ALLOW them to happen!

    • carylo17

      Ho! i witness you surrendering and allowing God to come in and open up your life to more love in the form of fabulous friendships.

  • Genevieve


    I heard you speak in Vancouver about how Jesus said it is better to give than to receive. Since I work at a theological graduate school I decided to look into when, where, why, and if He said that!

    Here is what I discovered:

    The word in the Greek (the original language for that part of the Bible) is actually BLESSED, not better. Blessed in this context means being really truly happy and fulfilled – that it is a rich and joyous thing to be able to be able to give without expecting anything in return. I have personally experienced this kind of joyous no-strings attached kind of giving and it is amazing!

    What this is NOT saying is that it is good to give to the point of exhaustion, or that we will somehow be “better” in God’s eyes if we give more than receive. What it IS saying, based on my discussions with one lay Christian and one theological professor using both a translation and a Bible in the original Greek is that it is more blessed (joyous, wonderful, rich, fulfilling) to share rather than hoard and expect others to do everything, while we do nothing.

    Jesus Himself Received a lot in the forms of hospitality, gifts, praise, assistance, so it is absolutely good to receive and necessary! He tells us in other parts of the Bible to “Be thankful”. You cannot be thankful if you haven’t received something, even if that is simply a blessing of gratitude and thanksgiving!

    The context where Jesus said this was that he had been in Ephesus where he had been living 3 years. Paul (who was a tent maker) and is the one quoting Jesus as saying “It is more blessed to give than to receive” was following Christ’s example of working for his living and to support not just himself, but also his friends, so that the Church would not have the burden of supporting them. Some people at that time were in the habit of being lazy (actually being lazy, not just hard on themselves) and expecting others to take care of everything from a demanding and greedy nature. In this sense, Paul was saying that it is blessed to follow the example of Jesus, who was a carpenter, and work with his hands joyously rather than sit around and be miserable waiting for someone else to do it.

    It was the testimony of Jesus to serve one another and think of the community rather than be consumerist and greedy. Your story is a great example of this testimony and each person did their part and you all had a joyous and blessed time together and nobody was burdened trying to do it all as the others expected that one person to do everything. This liberates everybody, which is what both Jesus and Paul were explaining.

    Paul was also deeply grateful for gifts that he received, knowing that he could not do it all on his own. It is not at all implied that it is bad to receive. It is simply stating how delightful it is to give out of joy and love, demanding nothing in return.

    We all need support though and God sees what is in the heart. While we cannot fully comprehend God it seems to me, based on the Bible that God is equally as pleased by a spirit of genuine thankfulness as by a spirit of genuine giving. In both cases, it is the purity of heart and intent that is pleasing to God, not the actions themselves. What is in our hearts is what matters most to God. He just loves us. We do not need to earn it, and He wants us to experience the joy of that!

    Feeling unworthy to receive could be seen as similar to being greedy and refusing to ever support or help others. Both are likely equally unpleasing to God because He wants to give to us all the time and he also wants us to support each other as He supports us!

    So it is not a black and white issue -> Giving vs. Receiving. Although in that particular passage in Acts Paul is quoting Jesus on the context of what he was demonstrating to those particular people in Ephesus who needed to be encouraged to consider others and not just themselves, the ideas of giving and receiving need to be looked at through the lense of the entire Bible. Throughout the Bible we are told to both give and receive, but it is HOW we do it and the spirit with which we do it that matters to God.

    Hopefully that is helpful!

    Let me know if you have any other questions!

    Providing this knowledge joyful…. have a Blessed Day!

    Much Love,


    • carylo17

      Wow Genevieve – thank you thank you for providing me with this really in depth piece on giving and receiving in the bible! This will be SO helpful for me. Yes I get it and agree with it all … and it’s so interesting how our culture has taken the teachings of such pure loved and use them to control people. I feel like part of my part is to bring people back to the original energy that I believe the JC intended. So this really helps. Thank yOU!!! thank you! and BLESS YOU!!! with heart Christine

  • Denise

    Hiiii Christine,
    well… watching your blog over a year or 2 ago and seeing one of Shiloh’s paintings behind you… I am now enrolled in and DOING her Color of Woman teacher training…. AND.. the sourcing thing?… I am booked to go to CALIFORNIA in July for an in person CoW weekend and to meet and HUG Shiloh in person! and … right now.. I do not have all my accommodation in San Francisco taken care of… but I’m not letting that stop me .. I am open to magical happenings and possible couch surfing… from Australia to USA hehehe xxx love D.

    • carylo17

      Denise- Hi LOVE! OMG So excited that you are in CoW with Shiloh… and yes to DIVINE PASSAGE, knowing you will be taken care of all along the way. Lean into faith, listen, and allow the universe and the love of others to support you. big xoxo Christine

  • Jill

    I admit it…I suck at receiving. I have been doing tremendous inner work to break through years of stuff and let go. I just asked my IWS what I could let go of being the source of…love and work. Alrighty then…more being “eggy” as Lissa Rankin would say. You’re awesome Christine! 🙂

    • carylo17

      Jill – Here’s to you becoming a better receiver every day for the rest of you life – just think of how much more love, happiness and everything is comoing your way! xoxo Christine

  • Lyn Wilson

    Hi Christine an Noah! Love your love letters! And your passion, courage and faith. You are an inspiration and a clear channel of the Divine! I live in Salinas Ca and have a spare bedroom. I would love to have you and Noah stay for as long as you need. Many blessings and love!

    • carylo17

      Hi Lyn – that is SOOOO sweet of you – thank you thank you thank you! If we head to Salinas I will let you know. Sending you much love angel of love. xox CHristine

  • Deborah

    Christine. I love your yellow boots. Your video made me soooo homesick for Seattle and Bainbridge island and clams and oysters!!! I love the PAC NW. Your message reminding me I do too much. Ahh. I think it is time for me to hire a cleaner. I have tried in s cal. But references don’t call back. I will try again. I sort of let go of cleaning until I gave to – but living in the dirt is wearing. I want to let someone else care for part of my
    Load. As work has picked up I have forgotten about letting go and have taken on more and more. I will commit to leaving by 5 pm latest two night per week. It’s a start. Much love to you Christine. Much love

    • carylo17

      watching you glide out of there at 5pm into the space of you having time for YOU!!! create the space and let the love flow in Deborah. xoxo Christine

  • Susan G.

    Oh! Being “in control” of all things has cost me the gift of sharing what I have in abundance! Last midsummer’s eve, I was standing in my lush garden with a profusion of flowers in bloom that I had worked so hard and so joyfully to help grow, and I was all alone ( except for the fireflies and other garden beings) and I had a deep longing to share it and a deep fear of actually doing that (voiceover of my mind): “what if noone comes, i don’t like cooking, not enough chairs, mingling/ responsibility for everyone having a ‘good time’ is scary, what if i get sleepy and want to go to bed while it’s still going on?”:-) and so I was alone in the garden longing to share the passing magic of that natural, inspiring abundance. So- TODAY I am going to make a list (like above) of all the things that scare me about having a party, and I will open those places up to Grace. I will make a list of all the people I truly want to share the night with and I will send REAL, Paper invitations (because i love to do that and I’m good at it:-) and I will trust that the longing in my heart was the call to an experience that will serve not just my heart but others’ as well. If you’re in the NYC area on June 21st…consider yourself invited!! Aaaaand…Thank You!

    • carylo17

      Susan – literally have CHILLS all up and down my body reading your small but mighty action — i can FEEL the LOVE flowing in – you know that flowers actually do create love? so by having a party, you are creating more love for yourself and all who attend!! And its right at solstice – yes! Thank you so much for the invitation – if i was in NYC i’d be there! But i will be on the west coast. much love to you! send me pic of the invite tho – would love to see it! xxo CHristine

  • DeNene

    Stop doing it all! Ahh that ws refreshing JUST typing it! I am also trying to figure out my summer plans always having things SO planned out not having that yet is a little unerrving. But after seeing this, I feel it will magically happen. You are a source of love and light in ly life and I will take the time to connect with your words and videos more often. They make me smile and your cheerful nature brings warmth to my heart!

  • Rebekah at Another World is Probable

    Ahhhh (that’s an exhale). I know you posted this ages ago but I wasn’t meant to watch it until today. Thank you so much for this message. I’m opening up and allowing space for the universe to show up for me in all ways including: where I’m living come August; how I’m going to pay for all the things I need to pay for; how, when, and where I’ll spread my message about mysticism and knowing all the answers we seek can be found within. Thanks for sharing this — I need more grace and more space in my life.

    • carylo17

      Rebekah, seeing space and grace FINDING your beautiful heart! xo Christine

  • KING

    yeah,right overpleases kills and you lost in the process,it’s better to permit god graces in the process.

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