How to Love Yourself when Your Feelings Get Hurt
We all get our feelings hurt – what do you when that happens so that you don’t create more hurt, but instead a great healing for yourself?
Did you ever notice that some of the people that you are closest to can hurt your feelings the most?
And most of those people – if you’ve done a good job of cleaning up your Love Rings and taking a serious stand for self-respect – don’t mean to hurt your feelings.
But when that sensitive heart gets hurt – behind all that tough armor and protective walls – it doesn’t seem to matter whether they meant to hurt you or not.
So you lash out… whimper in silence… go passive aggressive… make up stories in your mind… distance yourself… all kinds of activities that lead you FARTHER FROM LOVE and FARTHER INTO FEAR.
Watch this self-love episode, hear what I do when my feelings get hurt and then try this self-love 3-step practice the next time your feelings get hurt so you can give yourself a super powered love healing!
Making sure you get the love you need is self love. Use these three branches of self-love to heal the hurt and make more love out of the situation.
Step 1: SELF-AWARENESS – See the truth and own your stuff.
Ask yourself, “What is this situation triggering inside of me?” Take the other person out of the equation and really look at what this is telling you about you. Be honest. You have to own your stuff, and take responsibility for your love cracks. Even if you weren’t the one who created them, it’s your job to make sure you know them and heal them. Self-awareness and self-honesty is self-love.
Step 2: SELF-CARE – Take the charge out by giving yourself what you need.
Ask yourself, What do I need to feel loved right now? And how can I give this to myself? Then give that to yourself. You have the power to give yourself what you need. And if you take responsibility for healing your love crack, it will be way more easier to tell the other person how their actions affected you without created more hurt, charge and disconnection.
Step 3: SELF EXPRESSION – Express to the person how their actions affected you without blaming them.
Say to them “My feelings were really hurt when you said XXXX. I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I am OK. And what would be really helpful for me in the future is XXXXX.” Notice that you aren’t saying “YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!” which will just make the other person defensive. You are taking an act of self love by healing your love cracks and also by asking what you need from the other person.
DOUBLE DARE…POST HERE YOUR SELF LOVE SUCCESS STORIES — what has worked for you when your feelings have been hurt, that has led to more love?
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Great timing, Christina! I really needed this Love Talk today. My older sister yesterday emailed to ask if she and her husband can use my house for the week in July that I’ll be out of town. My feelings are hurt and now I see that I have never told her when her actions hurt me. She just doesn’t know!
You see, we live many states away (she’s in Upstate NY and I’m in SW VA). Her husband is friends with my EX HUSBAND, who lives about an hour south of me. My sister and her husband drive down to VA from time to time and stay a few days to a week with my ex., at his house, with his new wife. I don’t even get to see my sister at all until the end of their trip, when they will both stop at my house for what feels like an obligatory visit. Typically, they don’t even tell me they plan to drive down- I’ll hear about it from my kids or my ex.
I have been mostly OK with the whole thing, and have done a bit of work around being OK with it all, but I’ve never talked to her about it. Rather, I cook them dinner when they can get here on their last day in town, and will even ask my ex to eat with us if he is free. Then my sister goes back to NY.
So in July my ex his having a big party, with relatives staying at his house for the week, and there is no room for my sister and her husband. So she pretended to not know that I will be in NY that week, helping my adult daughter there get through thyroid removal surgery, and asked if they could come visit ME and stay with me for a few days (which they have not done since the divorce). I replied that I’ll be in NY that exact time (everyone knows this!!), and she quickly emailed back that they could stay here and watch my house while I’m gone. Mind you, I never offered my house, and it is very clear that they are coming to see my ex, and certainly not me. In addition to feeling like I’d been slapped hard through he computer screen when I read that, it occurred to me that my house would then be open to my ex, and I guarantee he would make it a point to spend time here. We have been divorced ten years and my life has been many many times better since, but we usually get along pretty cooperatively for the kiddos. I know him and his strong narcissistic tendencies, and he will want to establish that he is still king of my castle here. Guaranteed. No question. He tries to do it when I am in town! He tests boundaries every chance he gets. So there’s that, but mostly I feel so hurt by my sister’s actions. She is just going along with HER king of the castle (who loves her dearly, but is a big ego authority figure guy), but it still hurts. I’m going to try your steps in sorting through my stuff (middle invisible child in a family of five kids, feeling unimportant maybe) before calling her. An email doesn’t feel right for this. Your short videos are so wonderful and helpful, and I LOVE the audio book!! Come to SW VA or Upstate NY one day!
Thank you thank you!!!
Brenda – thank you love for sharing your story – i KNOW so many of us can relate – and i also know that every relationship is a teacher, and there is something here for both you and your sister – i LOVE that you own that she just doesnt know how you feel. Great oppty to express how you feel without making up a story about how she feels. If you can both lean into innocence and love for each other, could be a great healing. And YES to SW VA — its in my radar, just waiting for spirit to move and in make some dates 🙂 xoxo
I’m grateful for this video…
I did this recently (before the video) and unfortunately my best friend of over 30 years ended our friendship because I said that my feelings were hurt because of something she did. I thought it would have opened up a dialogue between us; I didn’t expect the BIG DUMP.
Years ago that would have frightened me away from voicing my hurt but I will remain courageous and not stuff my feelings. Thank you for sharing this method of doing so….I’m on the way to being madly in love with
Simmone – thank you for sharing your experience here. Yes, sometimes when we share our hearts truth the relationship as is can’t maintain, it needs to transform. Give it all some space. And most importantly keep loving yourself. xoxo
Thank you for this post . Whenever I got hurt first i start blaming others but now i learned that all world is as i am inside me . So i take look inside me and try to be what i to be to not get hurts.
Love, witnessing you turning the blame into love by choosing to HONOR what you feel and love yourself through it. xoxo
When I feel that I am not absolutely experiencing love, I stop and think this: ” I release
you, …………. whatever his name is, “yes, I release you to the kingdom of peace, love and perfect pure intent, for Heaven or God knows our purity, and we MUST REMEMBER our absolute
worthiness, our absolute blamelessness, guiltlessness and therefore I do immediately
feel beloved once again. The fear is gone, any negative feelings I may have felt are completely cleansed and scrubbed away, and this applies to myself and anyone who
might seem “out there”. For there’s always only “in here”. My Soul Self is ever one with God, and all is of such pure love and peace, that I can feel my angel’s wings once again.
Maryann – beautiful loving and self love practice for when your feelings get hurt – love connecting with the soul self!
Wow! This is so brilliant and timely! Thank you so much!
Love and Blessings <3
Jen – glad to share the love! keep opening your heart to heal through love.
My sister and have had such a positive, deep relationship, until recently; lately, things have been different and I can’t figure out the reason. I’ve asked her if I’ve done anything wrong, I’ve searched my memory for anything I can think of that would cause her to treat me the way she has been lately, but nothing comes to mind. Or, when I do think of something, I try to talk to her about it and she says that she’s fine and that nothing is wrong. But, she barely talks to me anymore. She almost never picks up when I call, rarely returns my phone calls and sometimes it’s days later or more, and she doesn’t even really text. She doesn’t involve me in her life anymore. We used to talk all the time, sometimes for 6 hours or so at a time. We’ve supported one another, laughed, cried, and always confided. We’ve never judged one another or been afraid to be vulnerable with each other. And, now, I just feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself. I’m trying hard to love myself and find a way of coping with this that heals through love, but it’s difficult. Your post really helped, though. Thank you.
Christa – sending you and your sister blessings – and most of all sending you a reminder that YOU are loved. xo
This is my favourite article and I always refer back to it! It is a great one to have in my self love kit! Thank you xxxo
Teg – your most welcome – yes its hard to lean into love when our feelings get hurt but that is the practice! thank you for being love. xo