Self Love Blog: How to Ask For What You Need Without Feeling Guilty or Like a Jerk

 In Self Care, Transforming Your Life

How do you get what you need when you also are taking care of others and what they need?

Watch this self-love letter and find out how.

When we are over-focused on taking care of others who need our support or when we are afraid of what people’s reactions will be if we ask for support too… it can be REALLY hard to ask for what YOU need…

And if you don’t ask for what you need, you don’t get what you need. And if you don’t get what you need, you suffer.

In your life, there are likely lots of people who rely on you – and many of these people and projects you love to serve and support. And yet, sometimes, let’s be honest, you can feel like, “What about me? What about what I need? Who is taking care of me?”

Just uttering or thinking those words can feel so self-absorbed or selfish – and none of us want to be seen as selfish. So too often, you suppress voicing what you need, and you suffer and suffer, until you can’t take it anymore and then either blow up, become a martyr, or get sick.

For me, this last month I was SOOOO grateful that my soul partner was alive, that the man I loved so dearly hadn’t died, so how could it be that I had moments of not wanting to support him, but wanting someone to give to me? Shouldn’t I just suck it up and push through and take everything on, even if I had nothing more to give?

I knew from past experience that if took everything on myself, I would end up sick or worse full of resentment, or worse being passive aggressive (I really don’t like that passive aggressive tactic of trying to get what we need – it’s so harmful and really doesn’t work.)

I wanted to be able to just ASK FOR WHAT I NEEDED. No guilt. And believe that we both could be taken care of. Because that is what self-care is… making sure YOU get what you need… and I did, and I was.

But I had to first know what I needed, then I had to find the courage to ask, and then open up to receiving that support in whatever way the Divine wanted to deliver it to me (which wasn’t at all what I expected).

So self-love moment here… take a short but mighty pause…

And what is keeping you from asking for it??? Go deeper, and really be honest about WHY you believe you can’t ask for what you need.

And then… tune in to this self-love letter video…

Where I share a little more of what I experienced about WHY it’s so hard to ask for what we need AND then share with you the 3-step process I created to help you get what you need no matter what… without having to be selfish, but instead creating more love for yourself and the people and things you love.

Then dare to take a big stand for self-care and self-love for yourself by stating right here on this self love blog, what YOU NEED right NOW… and ONE ACTION you will take to make sure you get what you need no matter what, self-care!


When you can voice what you need, you are much more likely to receive what you need.
Voice it here, I’ll witness it and I know you will then take action to love yourself to it.



Would you like to enrich your life by finding more space for balance,
rather than continue the cycle of over-stressed and burned out?!
Join Me for a 40-day practice to create more sustainability in your life!

burnout to balance arylo 40 day practice




Recommended Posts
Showing 15 comments
  • Chaya

    This 3 step process it easy and just right!
    Thanks girl friend. 🙂

    • carylo17

      Your most welcome Chaya – may your heart and soul receive so much love and so much of what you need. xoxox

  • michal weizman

    hay !happy to know that noha is better & better everyday !!!
    this days are the holidays for jewish the first days for new year. time to take a deep look to the last year & what we want for the new blessing year that coming .its like giving birth .thos 3 tips are so powerfull im going to pot them deep in my plans & pray to take a part in one of great workshop .wishing you the best ever .thanx much love .michal from israel…

  • Fran Feighery

    I am so happy for you and Noah and that all is well again with his health. Thank you for these three self love steps to use to get what is needed when life is getting out of hand….very powerful!

    • carylo17

      Fran, may the three steps help YOU get what you need in ever moment of every day – xoxox

  • wyndham

    Such an important topic. Thanks, Christine! 🙂

    • carylo17

      big xoxxoo wyndham

  • Judy

    I could write a book… This is so where I was some years back, and my goodness, how I wish I had heard your words then.

    One question/ tweek/ whatever comes to mind… If I had asked for what I “needed”, I quickly jumped back to the word “nothing.” HE was the one who needed. ME? MOI? I couldn’t conceive of my needing anything compared to his needs.

    This was so wrong and I believe hurt our relationship in the long run. I did not ask to have my needs (or perhaps “wants” met), and in the end I/he left a big wedge that has yet to heal… all because I couldn’t figure it out at the time.

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your message. I hope many read it.

    • carylo17

      Judy – love, sending you so much love and a reflection that you are not alone in your awareness or experience and i witness you now knowing you can indeed ask for what you need too. with love, christine

  • deborah

    Hi, happy for Noah and appreciate the spirit in your work. However, I have been working on similar and wow, the flow of energy needs to be wider. This is about whole -ness. Energy that flows between relationships will eventually get weak if not interacting with the larger whole. This is why we need to understand quantum physics and realize that we truly are part of larger systems. Raising ones own vibration is only part of the dance. sincerely,
    fashionRIP Project
    ps worked with eco fashion, product lifecycle so have alt understanding that makes multidiscipline sense of this flow.

    • carylo17

      hi Deborah – deborah thanks for adding to the discussion – yes raising ones vibration actually takes connecting to the self, to other and to the bigger whole – but in six minutes on a video, one can only say so much P:) I like to call it receiving multiple streams of love. may all your streams of love fill you with love. xoxo

  • Elize

    Thank you for teaching, guiding and helping me to have enough courage to love myself. Why does it seem so hard on the one side but on the other side once you start taking baby steps it so so very rewarding. Thanks for your love.

    • carylo17

      self love is a choice everyday, and just like anything, the more you do it the easier it becomes! keep loving you xoxox

  • Gina

    divine perfect timing just as I am opening up to the universe to receive! thank you for sharing your process, Christine!

    • carylo17

      keep opening that heart for you to receive too gina! zoxox

Leave a Comment