Self Love Blog: What to Do With People Who Won’t Respect You

 In Self Respect & Honor, Transforming Your Relationships

Watch this love letter video to learn how you can transform relationships in which you don’t feel or receive respect – no matter who that person is.

Because here is the truth — YOU DESERVE TO HAVE ONLY RESPECTFUL, LOVING RELATIONSHIPS…. and lots of them. And NO ONE gets a pass at respecting you. Mother, father, mate, brother, sister, grandparent, relative, friend, boss, teacher, whomever…

As an act of self-love, I invite you to take the promise of “I only have loving, respectful relationships” and this week, get honest about one relationship in which the energy between the two of you is NOT full of respect and love.

Then… follow the steps I lay out in the video, and transform the energy between the two of you. Now, let me be clear, don’t expect that all of the sudden you are going to create some Hallmark version of a relationship, that is likely not going to be the outcome. Because ultimately you only have the power to control your own actions.

Taking this stand and these steps will however, help you to put relationships in the right place in your life, shift the energy between you and people who can’t or wont’ respect you, and open up your life for more loving relationships from those who can.

Then, as an act of self love… here on the blog write down THE SELF LOVE ACTION you will take to transform at least one relationship in your life in your vow to only have loving, respectful relationships. I’ll be here to witness you knowing that when you say you will do something, and hold yourself accountable, you are more likely to do it.

OKAY… now your turn…

I’ll go first, using an example from my real relationship with my sister that I DID take action on…

“Even though my sister and I fight a lot, and we swear, yell and scream, I no longer accept this energy in our relationship. I commit to shifting the energy between us by no longer disrespecting her. SO when we fight, she gets mean or calls me names, I will tell her that I will only talk to her if we can be respectful to each other. If she cannot do that, I will SET A BOUNDARY and will walk away. I will NOT spew out disrespectful energy. Because I only choose to have respectful, loving relationships, and that means I only give respect. I won’t be a a doormat or let myself be victimized. I will set a boundary and choose LOVE, for myself and her.”

choosing me before we arylo 40 day practice

If you are really ready to make big change, take a 40-day self-love practice with me that is all about taking and keeping the self love promises, I WILL NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN MY HEART AND SOUL DESIRE … and I ONLY HAVE LOVING RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS. It’s called Choosing Me Before We. Go here to see more. www.ChoosingMEbeforeWE.com

 

 

Share the love!
Recommended Posts
Showing 32 comments
  • Olivia Ngadjui
    Reply

    Thank you so much for this topic. It really validated my thoughts on self love and setting boundaries in relationships no matter the role of the individual. I really appreciate this and I will be sure to forward it to more people in my life!!

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Olivia – i so see your stand for self-love!! love to you sweet one. xoxo

  • Ti
    Reply

    I choose to only have loving, respectful relationships in my life & will not settle for less than my heart & soul desire!!!

    • carylo17
      Reply

      AHO! See your beautiful stand of self love xoxo

  • Vanessa Madrazo
    Reply

    I was just talking to a friend yesterday about setting boundaries for self-love. Her & I are both at crossroads: she recently married, myself engaged- shes about to start a family and I will be as well. We both have strained relationships with our brothers that are not respectful. In my case, it is possible my brother may have a form of Autism that is not being treated. Nevertheless, he displays aggression towards myself, my mother and aunt, and in the planning of my wedding Ive had to draw the line. Because I cannot be sure of his erratic behavior, at this point I am not including him in my wedding. I spoke with my friend and encouraged her to set healthy boundaries.

    Isnt this so true? We all give leniences to people in our life because theyre family or whatever reason, but that does not give someone the right the behave in condescending way, swearing, demeaning because this is abusive and very damaging.

    I tend to react when this happens and assert myself in an aggressive tone. I realize this may not be the best way; but at least it stops the assault from happening. And its really hard to communicate with my brother..

    Either way, I appreciate your message and example of how respect is required from everyone and by asserting this for ourselves we are performing a powerful act of self-love. I also appreciate your love rings concept, which i think is important for people (like me) who have a big heart but still need to be realistic about relationships that will never be “Norman Rockwell”, as you say.

    Thanks for posting & lots of love,

    Vanessa

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Vanessa – thank you for your post reply and for being a stand and example of self love – yes, our big hearts can give lots of love AND that doesnt mean that everyone gets full access to the intimate vulnerable places inside us, esp people who give and take love away. xoxo

  • Genevieve
    Reply

    I am choosing to only have loving respectful relationships. After leaning in for years, I am going to go with the flow and lean out in several dysfunctional and hurtful relationships!

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Genevieve – YES! To you honoring yoruself and So witnessing you leaning out of relationships that can’t honor you. xoxo

  • Winifred
    Reply

    I give respect, and will set a boundary and choose love.

    • carylo17
      Reply

      You are witnessed in your stand for self love! xox

  • Grateful M
    Reply

    Christine, this is a great message of truth that needs to spread.

    Thanks so much for sharing it just at a time I needed it right now.

    Am similarly facing this very challenge with a range of people (father, sister, relatives, old friendships) as I undergo a mid-life awakening and shift in consciousness. As this occurs the transition is a bit painful while I learn to set boundaries and make it clear to myself and others, what I will and will not accept anymore. The response has been (unsurprisingly – the ego doesn’t give up easily does it) is guilt (‘but he’s your father/sister’ etc) and when that doesn’t work, fear (‘you’ll end up alone if you don’t maintain friendships no matter how badly people treat you – you’ve got to tolerate others’ imperfections toward you’ etc etc).

    Ah? No actually I don’t have to ‘tolerate’ anything. I can acccept people as they are, in full technicolour truth – and then make a loving and respectful choice to honur myself by moving myself out of their way.

    No-one would tell you to tie yourself to a train track and tolerate a freight train running over you. If we are on a track and can see the train clearly isn’t going to stop (whoever is driving it; parents, siblings, partners, old friends) you honour yourself by waking up, accepting it’s what it is, it’s coming – and that you can choose to get out of its path and put yourself in safe loving place.

    The train is driven by ego. I felt as if the ego (mine, theirs, the collective unconscious) was doing its best to convince me to lay back down and tie myself to its train track and remain there.

    Suffering lik this, is not a duty or obligation for anyone in this world.

    Thanks for this wonderful vlog message.
    I really needed it at this time to help me stay awake and stay off the train tracks!

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Grateful M – i love your post reply and YES to you staying on the track of your heart not on the train tracks of suffering. You deserve unconditional love, and theres lots of it to be had when we take the bold stand to put relationships in the place they really are vs wishing they could be different. xoxo to you and your self-love!

  • janet
    Reply

    Hi I have just watched your video about self respect and wondered how to apply it to my situation..I am in a relationship where when we can’t be together I dint get replies to my communications then he says he will see me or phone me and then I hear nothing..then it’s me who gets mad and calls him names out of frustration. How do I apply your method…thank you Jan

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Hi Jan – great question, and know that you are acting out because you are craving love from this person, in ways that they can’t give it, so you lash out as a way to receive love, which of course doesn’t in the end work. In relationships like this, the first step is to see yourself how you are looking for something from this person to fill something inside you and then start filling those places inside you with love for yourself. And second, you need to be honest about who this person can be and can’t – in healthly realtionships people ask for what they need and the other person leans in to give what t they can – I am curious if you have a relationship in which there is a dynamic that is unhealthy about you recieving love and then having love taken away. I recommend taking the 40-day self love practice, Choosing ME before WE – go to http://www.ChoosingMEbeforeWE.com – so you can rewrite your love story and take a stand for filling your love cracks with love from yourself! xoxo

  • Carol
    Reply

    I love this video and the message…it really hits home for me. I just sent an email to my two grown, married kids to agree to disagree with me and that I like the person I have become.

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Woot Carol!! Love seeing you taking action in the name of love, for yourself and others. xoxoo

  • Clare
    Reply

    Hi Christine and thank you . This really resonated with me as all my life I’ve been a people pleaser too scared to stand up for myself. I’m struggling with this issue now as I have a friend who criticises my parenting, is unsupportive and only wants to talk about herself. Because she is having a difficult time at the moment financially and with loneliness and health issues I feel guilty about distancing myself from her. Thank you Christine for reinforcing what I know to be true about respecting myself enough to put that distance between us .

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Ciare – yes, distance doesnt mean taking away love — you can still love her, and realize that she cant be the friend you need or deserve at that close soul family level – and that there is nothing guilty to feel for choosing LOVE as your reality. xoxo

  • susan
    Reply

    thank you for this. i had a similar relationship with my brother, and chose to walk away. i have always felt guilty for it. we can speak about medical issues re: my mother, but as soon as the conversation steers into shaming/guilt, i walk away. i always felt bad. now i feel like it is an act of self-love, and i appreciate that new insight so much. thank you.

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Susan, YES to choosing LOVE for yourself and not accepting guilt or shame from others – you are a beautiful divine being of love that does not have to accept guilt or shame, from anyone. xoxo

  • Gina
    Reply

    Thank you, Christine! This issue has been coming up for me. And I’m grateful to hear your advice. I have stepped out of some relationships, and now know to try the “lean in” offer of unconditional love and respect to let the other people choose from there.

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Gina – way to CHOOSE LOVE and to to honor yourself in the process xoxox

  • Kara
    Reply

    Thank you I needed to hear this. I am in a relationship and am realizing that I have a lot of love cracks and am looking to my relationship to heal them instead of loving myself to heal. I am slowly realizing that he can’t or doesn’t have it within him to love me the way that I am seeking.

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Kara – your welcome! and one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and others is to be honest about who a person chooses to be and what they can offer – we can’t be in relationship with people’s potential, that just causes suffering. for everyone. with xoxo christine

  • Nadene
    Reply

    I am ONLY going to choose loving and respectful relationships for me because I am sacred and I deserve it! Especially with my loving and sometimes overinvolved family!!

    • carylo17
      Reply

      Nadene – yes you are and yes you do!! xoxxo

  • Cherie
    Reply

    From this moment on, I am choosing to only have loving and respectful relationships. This is a healthy thing, not just for me, but for everyone.

  • Trelle
    Reply

    I choose to ONLY have loving and respectful relationships! Specifically with my sister. Thank you Christine for addressing this. I am still curious though, what was Noah goingn to say after he said 1. You can either hit them back, or…? This was in regards to when someone hits you below the belt.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Trelle – witnessing you love in your stand for love and respect. I answered your question on the Love Club — hopefully you received it there. this is great self love devotion and commitment thank you. xoxo

  • BRENDA JOY
    Reply

    I AM CHOOSING TO HAVE LOVING 2-WAY RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS, I WILL ATTEMPT RECONCILATION COMMUNICATION WITH MY GRANDAUGHTER I HAVE NOT SEEN IN A YEAR.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Brenda Joy, witnessing you choosing love … that is the ONLY power we really have… choose love and whatever happens, even if the seed only gets planted, know you are doing the best you can and that is enough. xoo

Leave a Comment