How to Let Go of Control

 In Self Compassion & Forgiveness, Self Empowerment, Self Worth, Transforming Your Life

Watch this week’s love letter to get the 3 simple but mighty C’s for releasing control, taking off the pressure, and breathing into the change.

I am writing this post on my last day in beautiful California wine country (well at least for now.) Noah and I are heading back out to be nomadic for the next few months… even though we are not totally sure where we are going to live yet. Exciting and uh also talk about stepping in the unknown and having faith. Brings up all kinds of desires to control, figure it out, find certainty at any cost.

While you may not be going nomad, I imagine there are places in your life where there is uncertainty, an element of not knowing. And be honest, doesn’t every bone in your body want to control, figure it out, make a plan, have the answers?

We humans love certainty but if I learned anything from Noah’s stroke last July … nothing is certain, we have no real control over the ‘plan’ and trying to control just makes you crabby and critical.

So what do you do when you face uncertainty?
How do you release control so you don’t get crabby, critical, contracted and stressed out?

Well, you transform the pressure creating C’s (control, searching for certainty, contraction) into the grace and freedom creating C’s. You are going to love these – I use them all the time, and they have been a life saver for me releasing control. Watch the video to get the scoop on the three C’s… Connection. Crying. Compassion.

And then CHOOSE ONE C you will put into action this week. Post it here and then tell me one small but mighty action you will take. I will witness your choice to let go of control!

Me… here’s mine. I choose to let go of control. I choose COMPASSION instead. My action… I will let the universe guide me to where Noah and I will ultimately put down roots in September, by giving up thinking about it for now, and instead allowing it to come.

Okay, now your turn… I choose to let go of control (say it!) … I choose (insert your C) … and then post your action.

 

And if you are choosing COMPASSION, make sure to join us this month

at The Love Club where we are all growing SELF COMPASSION!

www.JointheLoveClub.com

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Showing 39 comments
  • Sofia
    Reply

    Connection with spirit and with others will be my commitment this week as i continue to online date even tho it has been very discouraging thus far.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Sofia – seeing spirit with you bringing dates to you that you LOVE and that love you back. xo

  • Paula
    Reply

    Very insightful and scary message. I am a worrywart (IMG), and control freak on many levels, always projecting the worst possible outcome, so this was very helpful and I will practice crying, especially since that feels so good, as I am freaked out about a situation over which I have NO control.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Paula -yes crying very good. just let it out girl! Img take that!! xo

  • Belinda
    Reply

    Beautifully said! Thank you…your timing (for me!) was perfect!!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Belinda -thank you and may compassion find you every day always. xo

  • Laura
    Reply

    Thank you for that video. I just got how self-compassion can calm the anger I have for others.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Great awareness Laura and happy to be a love lightbulb 🙂 xox

  • Janet
    Reply

    Ok, Dear One, I am old so I feel like I should already KNOW all this. Hahaha! I love your video! I couldn’t watch when I joined in feb because computer was broken.

    So I think maybe I need some C. Mmmmm yes, Girl! Apparently I always think I have to know everything without learning it! When you said cry, I thought ok…when you said self compassion I began crying! thank you.

    Really, thank you! Love for you and Noah every day from my heart in Chico. ( I am really connected, so that one is easy!)

    Jan Landess

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Jan – thank you for sharing – you make me smile 🙂 and yes, I too am an A #1 student and forget that i too am learning sometimes. heres’s to the compassion!! xo

  • Judy
    Reply

    Hi Christine,
    Thank you so much for sharing this lesson. I was already crying while you were talking about connection so I felt pretty on track and relieved by the time you started talking about crying! I really needed to hear this message of love today. Thank you for your generosity of spirit. May you and Noah surf the waves of uncertainty with much grace and love. Love to you both, Judy

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Judy – so glad that my video reached your heart in divine timing! thank you for the love and sending a wave back to you. xo

  • Linda Graziano
    Reply

    Hi Christine!
    I just love those 3 C’s for when we want control! The one I will be working on the most is Connection. I have committed to upping my connection to the Divine with my morning ritual of journaling, meditation, gratitude, and a guided visualization to do. I just love how I feel on the days I do this. So I will make sure to fit it into my mornings! Thank you for your great video!
    With Love, Linda

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Linda – yes to more connecting with the divine! and yes to your choice to choose you. xo

  • Jill
    Reply

    All 3…Crying has become a daily thing but it’s releasing SOOO much and I’m so grateful for it. I don’t even plan it, if emotion comes up, I sit with it, honor it, cry if there are tears, and then keep on going, a little bit lighter, a little bit stronger for the release.

    Connection – My daily pause every morning, returning to my faith even with questions still abounding, sharing my journey with a few close friends and having their support means more than they even know.

    Compassion – This one’s a work in progress but I’m certainly making an effort.

    Thanks for being an inspiration, Christine!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Jill – YAY to all three and so witnessing your depeening your choice for compassion. xoxo

  • Brandon
    Reply

    Hello,
    I am currently a sophomore in college at The University of Texas. I transferred here just this year with the expectation to do engineering. After my first semester of taking engineering courses here at UT, my plan changed. I knew for sure I did not (and currently still do not) want to do engineering. I am very glad I figured this out about myself but the problem is, I don’t know what I want to pursue. I can’t figure out my calling. It is worrying me because I have to declare my major soon or else I will be unable to attend the college anymore and also I am running out of classes to take that are open to me being an undeclared major. Anyways I am becoming pretty worried because I just don’t know what I want to do in the very near future. This being said, I have decided to choose “Connection” as my C. I plan on become more spiritually involved with God. I consider myself to already be involved but I am deciding to really devote more attention his way. I am still worried but this sure does make me feel better thinking about it and hopefully I will grow more at ease and eventually figure out what I am being called to do.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Brandon – thank YOU for sharing your story here – and you are not alone – -so silly that these colleges put this pressure on us, really. And know that whatever you choose if it comes from your heart, will lead you on your path. spend time connecting to spirit through yoru heart and ask for signs to show you the way. And good for you for saying no to engineering! xo

  • Kyan
    Reply

    I choose to let go of control….
    I choose Courage, Confidence, Compassion…
    I choose to feel Courage in the face of any seeming Fears & take action.
    I choose to feel Confident in myself in any situation no matter what.
    I choose to feel Compassion & forgiveness towards myself & all others no matter what…
    I give Thanks for all these feelings, I accept all these feelings no matter how I am feeling, no matter what I am feeling…

    Thank you for all these Blessings 🙂

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Kyan – aho! to your choosing YOU and to all the powerful C’s you have invited into your life. xo

  • Cathy White
    Reply

    Wishing you well in your travels, and your openness to discovering just the right place that the universe has for you and Noah to put down roots.

    I am also choosing compassion, and allowing the same trust in the universe to guide me to where my husband and I will put down roots for a new phase in our lives. Best Wishes, Cathy

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Cathy – sister root seeker! I witness your stand for compassion, to choose it for yoruself in all ways. May your journey be blessed with love. xo

  • Grateful
    Reply

    My goodness – did I need this message today!
    Recent difficult unexpected challenges resulted in reaching for the first two C’s but not the third C.

    The third C – self-compassion, is so essential for self-love, healing and joy. Thanks so much for this serendipitous and timely reminder.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Grateful – your most welcome and SO witnessing your choice to CHOOSE COMPASSION for yoruself. so powerful. xo

  • Elizabeth Rodriguez
    Reply

    I will let go of control by choosing connection. I will stop worrying about my relationship with My ex and instead will pray to God fervently daily and will start going to the Santisimo (God Holy house) once every week in addition to the workship

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Elizabeth – witnessing your choice to let god in – and if i may invite you to reframe the word fervently – do this lovingly and invite god, love into your heart – nothing to apologize or repent for love, just know that YOU ARE LOVED. love to you sweet one. xo

  • Lori
    Reply

    Wow did I need to hear this today! I could feel myself Constricting and becoming Critical and Confused – and that is not ME! I’m usually the opposite! Thank you so much for the reminder to let these things go, to Trust God Completely and allow myself to Cry! I needed that release as well! AND to extend Compassion instead of the ugliness and destructive Criticism! I needed to start living out all 3 C’s TODAY — in order to get back on track! Breathing deeply again!:-) & Trusting and Connecting again! Thanks so much! Bless you two for including us on your adventure and for being open and honest wirh us! One question for you: Does Noah have a signal phrase to help Christine snap out of the criticism mode?! Hugs from Germany!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Hi Lori – just feeling the love from Germany over here 🙂 And witnessing your stand to choose love in all three ways for yourself! ANd yes, Noah says to me “So…. do you think that what you are saying is going to motivate me? cuz i am just saying it is having the opposite impact?” And he does it with a smile – throwing my Inner Mean Girl off, and thinkging to myself, well hmmm that tactic isn’t working. So then I ask him, what should i say instead. And then he tells me. Humor is the key ! xox

  • Nancy
    Reply

    I choose to spend more time connecting to spirit and to trust how my life is unfolding (even though I want to control it). I will spend time in the morning and evening connecting to spirit. I have wonderful friends who are supporting me in love during this challenging time in my life and I am so blessed. Thank you so much for this video (the crying comes easily to me every few days so I will look at this as a good thing too instead of trying to control it). I wish you love and happiness on your nomadic adventure!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Nancy – witnessing your stand and promise to choose connection over control. Thank you for the blessings. ANd blessings back to you on your journey of the heart. xo

  • Adrienne
    Reply

    I just have to say thank you Christine for this. My boyfriend may be moving to California in August (we live in Indiana). And today I had a total freakout. Thankfully, yesterday I watched this video and had a really good cry while I was on the phone with him. Probably freaked him out (lol) but I feel A TON better. We love each other and we want to work things out regardless. I feel relaxed. God bless you.

    Adrienne

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Adrienne – YAY! thanks for crying sister and letting it all out. feels so much better right. to let go of control and trust that even better things will come! xo

  • Karen
    Reply

    connection

  • Vanessa
    Reply

    I choose to let go of control!
    I choose Compassion. I will also let the Universe quite me to find my soulmate. I will stop worrying and criticizing myself and will let things flow and come to me while being proactive too.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Vanessa -yes to givign up worry and criticism – they add soo much pressure! and yes to more love by letting it all flow. Surrender instead of pressure. ox

  • Lori
    Reply

    Such wonderful ideas! Thx for addressing my ?! I love the honesty you two have with another! Hubby and I just now building that love/trust relationship after 23 yrs of marriage – it feels soooo good! It’s truly liberating! I’m continually amazed at our spiritual growth rate now in our late 40’s! I thot we’d have arrived by now! Ha!!! Thx for your help!! Keep it up pls!! 😀

  • Genevieve
    Reply

    I choose Connection all around! To God, to myself and to the people in my life!

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