Are You Pushing Yourself Too Hard?

 In Self Care, Self Compassion & Forgiveness, Self Worth, Transforming Negative Self Talk

Where you pushing yourself too hard… and creating unhappiness for yourself? Watch the video and reset your expectations – what would be enough??

You have a goal. Something important to you. Something you said yes to creating, doing, achieving because you believed it would make you happy. And so you go on your way to making that goal a reality, and then something shifts. You realize consciously or maybe not consciously that to reach said goal, you are going to have to push yourself to make it. Work hard. Cancel dates. Put pressure on yourself. And the thing you were doing to make you happy is now making you unhappy.

I’ve been doing this all week with my upcoming book about reforming Inner Mean Girls – pushing myself to get it all done in the next four days even though it’s not due for 6 more weeks. Uh, I think my Inner Mean Girl has been hanging on the couch with me!!

The truth is that while there are moments we need to push hard, those should be few and far between.

self love self compassion mantra be kind

Your main way of operating your life should NOT be pushing yourself so hard.

Not if you are working in alignment with what is truly best for you, and what the divine has in store for you.

Why does it happen then? You make up these mental pictures or thoughts in your mind about what you should be able to do, and how fast you should be able to do it. And then push hard to get there. But what if… instead of pushing hard and driving yourself to what you think you should be able to do, you stopped, reassessed and did ENOUGH.

No more. No less. Just enough.

My friend Sam Bennett, who wrote this great book called GET IT DONE – without having to exhaust yourself to do it! – calls this going for the “C” instead of the A++ — which my achiever has a really hard time with. But my Inner Wisdom knows is spot on.

To make this work for me, I apply self love and my mantra I AM ENOUGH by asking myself the powerful question,”What would enough look like?” And then I give myself permission to do that. I can’t do the C but I can do ENOUGH!

Today I share it with you so you can stop pushing yourself so hard! And reclaim your happiness around the thing you decided to do to make happiness!!

Watch the video and then here on the blog, ask yourself the question, “WHAT WOULD ENOUGH LOOK LIKE?” and then take your self-love enoughness stand

1. I am pushing myself too hard to…
2. Enough would look like…
3. I give myself permission to …
4. And then claim it THAT IS ENOUGH!!

I’ll go first:
I am pushing myself too hard to finish all 9 chapters of my book in the next four days, even though the manuscript isn’t due for 6 more weeks. Enough would look like me having 6 chapters done really well and tight so I don’t have to go back to them. I give myself permission to only complete 6 chapters before I leave my writing retreat, trusting that all will be done in divine timing. THAT IS ENOUGH!

Now your turn! Post here on the blog…

What Inner Mean Girl is pressuring you from the inside, take the free Inner Mean Girl Quiz

And dive deeper by reading Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself

reform-your-inner-mean-girl-book

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Showing 60 comments
  • Lilly
    Reply

    1-I am pushing myself too hard, to get in running shape for an 8K run on March 30th
    2-Enough would look like, run 3 to 4 miles, 4 to 5 times a week, then increase it to 4 to 5 miles , 5 times a week.
    3- I give myself permission to admit, i don’t have enough time to get ready for this race in time, at the training pace i am comfortable with. I am stopping all this pressure i am putting on myself, i am not running this particular race, but i am continuing to train to run another race in May and THAT IS ENOUGH !

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Lilly that is the best thing i heard all day – doing happy dance over here for your self love stand!!! xoxoxo

  • Cindy C Blair
    Reply

    I take care of both my parents, ,, Alzhiemers, Dementia, ,, im also ill. Im running my self raged, and feeling guilty if I dont get everything done. Im only one person,,, one day at a time or one minute. Im really hard on myself,,, this is probably the hardest lesson will learn and grow from. And im terified!!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Cindy – slow down and remember you are not alone – may feel like it – and in times like this must lean into divine connection and grace for the way – its good to care for those we love – not healhty to give all we have away even when they are our parents – ask what would ENOUGH be? and then yes, its scary but try it. in the name of love.

  • RB
    Reply

    I am also pushing myself really hard to finish a book, which I turned in to my publisher last week and I’ve been living in fear for the last few days that it’s not good enough.
    Enough would look like: I’ve done my work for now. I will have a chance to give it any last minute brushstrokes it needs to make it shine so that it can be released into the world at its highest potential.
    I give myself permission to: take a break and be happy with what I’ve accomplished so far.
    That is enough.

    Thank you!

  • Sonja
    Reply

    Wow I’ve just read my post from last week. Thank you Christine! This way I can keep track of my enoughness! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    1. I am pushing myself too hard to read and learn as much as I can, to attend as much as I can webinars, which would result in taking more inspired actions per day so I can start my business.
    2. Enough would be like me being happy and grateful that I discovered entrepreneur within me and ideas about my dream business.
    3. I give myself permission take one step at the time believing in myself and trusting the process.
    4. THAT IS ENOUGH! Wow, the pressure is off. Lots of love from me! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Pat
    Reply

    Christine, I totally agree with you. I think as children we’re pushed to get the A’s and be perfect in everything we do. I find with myself, no matter how much I accomplish in a day, I still beat myself up for what’s left undone. We need to be kinder to ourselves and let ourselves feel good about life and about us, no matter what we do or do not do this or any day.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Pat- high five on that – recovering doing addicts unite! xoo

  • K.Rudin!
    Reply

    Thanks for the sage adwice & the Boost.
    It’s possible, however, that my issue is opposite: LAND TAXES are due 10 April, enhanced by state plan to pay off back taxes, in the amount of $5000. So I need to push: the date fast approaches!
    ENOUGH! “Enoughness” is pretty clear: $5K!
    Have I been slacking? Au contrair!
    May I send You attachments? I have 3 lovely Large ITEMS for sale: an antique soda fountain, a pre-CBS Fender Precision electric bass, and 3000 sq. feet of Old Growth redwood burl/birdseye~lace VENEER (flesh of the Goddess!).
    WoW! I am probably WAY off message here, huh?
    There’s a good Love story that goes with each of these wonderful THINGS!
    Any suggestions?
    I am in love with my Land, FrogFarm, in coastal Mendocino.
    And I am actively Open to Other Funding Ideas, and Work commissions, etc.
    Love, Peace, Miraculous manifestations…

    K.R!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      The issue really is the same – pushing and putting pressure on the system doesnt create more money, it creates less. Wise women get silent, listen, and connect into divine guidance to be led to the aligned action. Way more than i can put in a blog post – years of learning on this one — and what i know is that fear makes lack – and i’ve been where you are so i can say that with truth. in truth nothing can be taken away. my good friend has a mantra for these situations Surrender, Trust, Accept and REceive – go to the surrender place to find the answer. Much love and blessings to you on your journey – love mendocino ! xoxo

  • K.Rudin!
    Reply

    what is this ‘moderation’???
    perhaps i misunderstand the protocol here?
    ???
    love,
    K!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Hey K! not sure what your question is or if you are making a joke but in any case sending you lots of love! xoxo

  • Gail
    Reply

    I love ur Love letters & I luv u!!

  • Manon Laurin
    Reply

    Enough……………….is knowing the town I am moving to, that is : Val Dor.
    WhWhat do I do next ? I take care of my life here, the one before I move, therefore I get a job to pay for the move, I get a job out there to have work when I get there, and I start packing to be ready for July 1, the day of the move.
    WWhat do I stop doing to be enough ? I stop changing my mind if I am moving out of this town, if there is a better town to move to, and I create a peacefull space in my mind where I accept that my intuition is good to move to that town, eventhough I do not known anybody out there. All I need to know is that that town is far away, that was my first goal : to move far away from here.
    Thank you so much for asking us to write today, because now I remember that my first goal was to “move far away from here” , I even forgot my goal, because I was pushing myself too hard, Destructive to my heart to forget my first goal, I was going crazy to do more than enough, I was even putting myself in dought by questionning if I really had to move out of this town ? When I know real well, that my time is up, I have no more discoveries to make here and my potential here cannot unfold. So I have to leave this town. Again thank you for this opportunity to share my story about becoming enough for myself.
    wI am sending love,
    Manon Laurin
    from Canada

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Manon – yes to you writing and living the story you want your life to tell – with love. xoxo

  • Silvia
    Reply

    Thank you for giving this support really much needed at this moment
    It truly works my tension is melting I feel such a relief somehow… To have you here
    This is so hard this reminding we are enough without doing
    the whole process of this either way you can never win and now maybe i’m too much in the not doing leading me into such a let go which brings me back to how to make it again! ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks great support inspiration living from this unconditionnal place what a gift for being can’t look for the outcome trust will lead you somewhere

  • Kate
    Reply

    Thank you Christine for the video! When you said to go for C instead
    of A++ I freaked out. I don’t know how to go for C and still feel that I am living my potential:(. I have this mantra in my had
    “never give up your dreams” or “you give up you dream – you die” so going for C would mean giving up – at least in a certain way.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      hi Kate – i didnt say go for the F ๐Ÿ™‚ ha ha. lol. Sam says go for the C – my achiever freaks out to like i said in the video – so i ask WHAT WOULD ENOUGH BE? LOOK LIKE? do that. A+++++ is unnecessary love, the +++++ mean nothing no extra value added there. So go for what is in alignment and stop pushing yourself in ways you don’t have to – the answer wont be in your head, it will be in your heart. xoo

  • Marigold
    Reply

    Brilliant Christine…this feels so powerful, fundamental….today I have been noticing how the present moment never seems quite enough, even though things have actually never been better! As if there’s always a little voice inside going “Yes,but….” and it distracts my attention from the perfection of the moment. The present is enough, always, no matter what is happening – or not happening – it’s just that restlessness, that thought of ‘not enoughness’. Great video!! x x x

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Marigold – brilliant realization that the present must be enough or we will never be happy. yes yes eyes. xoxox

  • Karen
    Reply

    Enough is looking for and buying my new beetle car at the moment.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      great karen – just do that one thing. and have fun sister! xo

  • Anna
    Reply

    I am enough even though I don’t own a house.
    I am enough even though I am making less money.
    I am enough even though I am single.
    I am enough even though I am 67.

  • Lena
    Reply

    I give myself permission to not get straight A’s in graduate school, and to recognize that I am here to learn and not to preform. That is enough.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Indeed Lena it is enough – stop pushing and start enjoying – go for the C as Sam would say! xox

  • Mary
    Reply

    I push myself am going to school and work full time I want to be the best in everything. I realized that I don’t have to be the best.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Mary – yes, you don’t need to be the ‘best’ on some scale of comparison – you just get to be the best you and there is no scale for that. xo

  • Sofia
    Reply

    I have been pushing myself to see to many patients, work too many hours and make more money……but is it with it? NO!!!

    I am committing to seeing 24 people a week max and taking fridays off.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Sofia- yes to sacred Fridays and yes to not having to push to receive money. Less pushing and more abundance. xo

  • Tina
    Reply

    …enough…if I could manage to get some groceries for dinner and some exercise today, that would be enough…even that seems almost overwhelming today. I think this is an excellent principle. Thinking about what was really “enough” did give me a sense of letting go of quite a bit of mental pressure. Thanks so much Christine.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Tina – your most welcome – and yes to more pressure release and more saying yes to = that is enough today. xo

  • De Nene
    Reply

    I am pushing myself to hard to find a relationship. Enough would look like having a few dates a month and that’s ok. I give myself permission to be ok with not pushing or obsessing and enjoying being single….HUGE!THAT IS ENOUGH!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      De Nene – yes!! more space for you to be with you and to LET the love find you vs pushing so hard. That is ENOUGH! xo

  • Yvette
    Reply

    I’ve done a heap today.
    Enough for me, is tidying my room and having fresh clean sheets.
    Then, to take a step towards a new friendship, allowing myself to feel shy and uncomfortable and doing it anyway. Then, hot tea and chill out.
    Best Wishes! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yvette – yes to clean sheets and new friends being enough – chilling sounds divine xo

  • Charlotte
    Reply

    Thanks Christine, You rock. I have 7 weeks to finish my work for my foundation degree and this morning I’m unwell. Your message was just what I needed. It will all come together in time. Much luv Charlotte

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Charlotte- so glad the message reached you just in time ! and yes all in divine time!! xo

  • Gailen Anna
    Reply

    I am pushing so hard to get myself and my sons out of our current relationship with their father, at the same time pushing to get answers and solutions to my son’s illness which I need a second opinion on. Pushing to get a studio to paint so that I can sell my art work and pushing myself to get a scholarship and aide for my sons to go to a tiny private school. Pushing, pushing, pushing, because I have been stuck and desperately want to get untuck.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Gailen – I SO here your desire to be unstuck and sometimes when we push, well almost always, we just get more stuck. Just like Pooh when he got stuck in the hole from eating too much honey, no amount of pushing got him throuhg. breathe love, allow and surrender — invite grace in, she is always a big help and sending you much love -love is the best unsticker ever!

  • Molly
    Reply

    1. I am pushing myself too hard toโ€ฆ seem like I have it together at work, at home, and in life.
    2. Enough would look likeโ€ฆ getting to bed earlier, working out twice, and making it through this week at work without losing my sanity.
    3. I give myself permission to โ€ฆ sleep, get moderate physical exercise twice, and relax into work…. And then take it easy on myself!
    4. THAT IS ENOUGH!!

  • Lois
    Reply

    I am pushing myself to get out of this financial rut that I am in…feeling so much despair for where I am finding myself right now. Wanting to take steps to move forward, but so frightened. Enough…it is enough to take one or two small steps a day. I don’t have to do everything at once.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Lois – yes yes yes to saying no no no to doing everything at once !! you are enough. now. xoox

  • ร‰lisa
    Reply

    I am pushing myself too hard on becoming a spiritual teacher and healer. Accumulating knowledge fast without having (without giving myself would be more accurate) the time to digest, integrate what I learn. I’m pushing myself to do things that are not easy, and blaming myself for not succeeding right away. I’m creating a feeling of you-are-always-late, you should learn-more-train-more-do-more…

    Enough would be to allow myself to practice the stuff that pleases me most in first, to browse through the books and allow life and the universe to bring me stuff that will help me to grasp the meaning of what I read, gently, slowly, at Her own pace… And at mine. Enough would be pushing away self-criticism and the host if my inner mean girls who say “you should” and “why don’t you”.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Elisa – smiling with you love and witness your desire to serve the world and a big yes to not having to become a spiritual teacher – its not something you achieve by doing, or by anything you read it a book -its a grace that comes over you because you live into and remember who you are – and you love are enough right now. xo

  • Emilia
    Reply

    I am pushing myself too hard to figure out what I should be doing with my life & how to live that in my career. Enough would look like truly appreciating & expressing gratitude for the opportunities that I’m able to experience. I give myself permission to relax & enjoy discovering ME & what lights up my spirit. ๐Ÿ™‚ And THAT IS ENOUGH!!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      And you Emilia will find that what you are looking for will emerge so much faster when you let it come up from inside you instead of coherce it with force to come forward. xoxox

  • Lizzy B
    Reply

    I was just reading in my journal that I need to keep it simple and that my blog is enough, I am enough, working on the article I’m writing is enough. So my enoughness looks like me spending one hour online look at and apply for jobs, then to spend an hour unpacking (just moved on Saturday). Then I can relax! Thank you for the divinely guided message ๐Ÿ™‚ It truly helps me in my recovery from over-achieving, perfectionism, and a pretty rockin eating disorder. And now I can not only heal even more, I can be more of a beacon of hope and inspiration for others doing the same thing. Xoxoxoxo

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Lizzy happy to be in recovery of the over doing and over everything with you! you are not alone. and you are enough!! right now. xo

  • Regina
    Reply

    I am pushing myself too hard to keep my husband’s books on his new business, start earning money through my new business, and take care of my father in law who requires 24 hr. care. Enough would like 30 minutes to an hour of book work for the hubby (logging receipts for the day and stopping), writing shorter blog post and requiring my followers to make the choice to study on their own and accept responsibility for themselves. I do not have to do the studying for everyone. I give myself permission to spend less time doing book work, and writing. I give myself permission to require others to accept responsibility for their choices and not feel guilty for not giving them all of the answers…make them do some digging! And I claim that THAT IS ENOUGH!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Can i get an AMEN Regina – i witness you sister and hear you taking a big stand for YOUR SELF CARE. with love Christine

  • Alexis
    Reply

    1. I’m pushing myself too hard to please others and accomplish my career goals.
    2. Enough is getting up each morning and giving my best and loving myself more along the way, and not allowing my inner mean girl to stress me out. My best has to be good enough…
    3. I’m giving myself permission to just relax and give myself grace – my best is ENOUGH not what others view as my best!

    Thank you for posting this video – I was up worrying myself about all the things I have to get dine in the next 24 hours and this was a sweet reminder to enjoy this moment and love on me!

    Hope you will be traveling back to the east coast soon (well to DC to be more specific)! Sending lots of love your way.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Alexis – LOVE RECEIVED!! And not sure i will get to DC this year – but to Boston for sure and I’ll put DC On the list for 2015 – YOUR BEST IS ENOUGH – and leave the worrying to the divine – you are much too beautiful to create worry lines – happy smile lines okay – worry lines no thank you ! xoxo

  • Teresa
    Reply

    I love reading my emails. But I have a person who needs my help. I just didnt answer my phone watched two movies reading emails.Its enough to sit alone. He bought me phone I have been available 24 hours a day. Just let phone go to voicemail.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Teresa – YES to checking in with yourself to see if you have something to give and if not making that okay, and trusting someone else will show up for that person (cuz the Divine has it taken care of) … so that you could take care of you!

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