Self-Love Spark: Feeling left out or rejected? Heal your heart with this.

 In Self Respect & Honor, Transforming Negative Self Talk

Transmute the feelings of abandonment, rejection, and being uninvited with this video from the Divine Heart and My Heart to yours!

I don’t think there is a one of us who hasn’t had our heart hurt because we felt excluded – not invited to the party, the dinner, the project, the meeting, the whatever. And when that happens, doesn’t it feel like you are 7 years old again and you didn’t get invited to sit at the cool kids table. Ouch. Rejection hurts

In the past few weeks I’ve had moments when I have felt left out and it really hurt. And I saw so clearly how I had the power to either get mad and blame others and keep the hurt going OR… choose to mother those tender parts in myself, reject the story of being abandoned or excluded and look for evidence of more love.

It wasn’t easy but I chose to reject rejection!

You see, if you don’t transform the dark parts inside your heart that have been hurt, they just keep operating under the surface, driving you to be passive aggressive, resentful, and dark goo eeks out all over your relationships, choices and thoughts – creating the opposite of what you want, which is love. But when you pause, tap into this full moon love energy, and transmute the hurt into love, you become free and you can actually create more loving relationships and release those abandonment triggers.

From a spiritual perspective, you can’t really be rejected anyway, even though that’s what it feels like at the time.

Often what appears like rejection is just the Divine’s way of redirecting you to what is better for you. It’s your attachment to where that love and inclusion comes from that creates the suffering and feelings of rejection.

In the moment, when we feel left out or rejected, we owe it to ourselves to acknowledge the little part of us that is hurt, and then respond from the EMPOWERED part of us who has options, and who does not give their love power – the feeling of being loved and like you belong – away to anyone. The BEST three empowered acts you can take the next time you feel left out is lean in to love by:

  1. Other-love... Invite yourself to whatever it is, without attachment to whether they say yes or no
  2. Self-Love… Ask yourself what YOU want to do and do that – you don’t need others to feel loved.
  3. Divine-love.. Ask the Divine what it wants to do with you, what it’s trying to lead you to instead that is even better for you.

You have the power to reject rejection too, but you have to be willing to release the rejection story and see the divine truth.

And from a human heart perspective, you still need someone to witness the hurt so you can let it go and open up the space to see Divine Love’s hand who is just trying to move you to more grace!

So today, here on the self-love blog, I invite you to post up your heart hurt from feeling rejected, uninvited or left out. Just let yourself be 7 years old. Then change the story! And I will send that part of you LOTS OF LOVE!

1. My heart hurt… (name the rejection starting point)
2. I told myself … (name the story you told yourself about it)
3. The truth is that.. (take your love power back and state the truth from a place of self authority)

I will go first:

My heart hurt when some of my best friends were involved in a project that they didn’t invite me to be part of.
I told myself that they were excluding me.
The truth is that me not being included doesn’t mean they don’t love me. And that the Divine is guiding me to other projects that are even better for me

Now Your Turn..

My heart hurt…
I told myself..
The truth is…

 

Taking this a step deeper, what inner critic inside of you may be causing
you to feel rejected vs connected?

Take the Inner Mean Girl Quiz to find out!

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Showing 47 comments
  • Veronica
    Reply

    My heart hurt involves relationships that didn’t work out.

    I told myself I am not good enough for love because that’s the reason my relationships did not work out.

    The truth is I an worthy of love and my past relationships were to teach me about the love I deserve.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Veronica love – reflecting back to you the truth that you heart knows and needs to hear from you often – – I AM WORTHY OF LOVE — put these words somewhere you can see them, feel them, repeat them, live by them! And regarding relationships try on a new frame — we often think that unless a relationship lasts forever that it ‘didn’t work out’ … not true. The frame of relationship working out or not creates so much suffering, as does staying in relationships past their expiration dates. Relationships some are for a season, some for years and some the entire distance, but time is not an indicator of success. Love is. sending your heart much love. xo

  • Lashpal
    Reply

    My heart was when my husband never included me in his love life and any financial growing and I was feeling alone and rejected in past and now. I told myself that I did not have feminine power and awareness as all other women have. That was not true. Divine is directing me to see other part of it. what I am not seeing.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Lashpal, you are indeed being guided by the divine. May your heart always know that. And in the moments you feel scared or alone, remember to reach out and up with your heart to the divine to allow it’s love, your love of self, to guide you to the truth, that you are loved, that you are powerful and that no man can take that from you. with love xo

  • Catherine
    Reply

    Thank you, Christine! This is a message that I’ve really been needing to hear lately. YOU are loved!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Happy to be the messenger of divine love Catherine – big heart hug. xoox

  • Rosanna
    Reply

    I felt rejected when my boyfriend ended our relationship. I told myself I wasn’t good enough for us. But the truth is, we were not happy and both needed to grow and find ourselves before we can love another. And the truth now is that I have improved so much over the months, I have gotten so much closer to the Divine and I don’t need love from another to fulfill myself. Everything is to prepare me for true self-love and true partnership, one that the Divine intended for me, and I should not have to worry about a thing and just have faith in life.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Rosanna – witnessing your stand and journey to return to your full love power, and knowing in this moment that any places inside your heart that still felt pain about this relationship are healed. you are healing yourself and empowering yourself to live from the very truth of your soul, and that is beautiful. xo

  • Bonnie
    Reply

    My heart hurt when I was little i would invite a certain friend to my birthday party and she always came but never invited me to hers.
    I told myself that she didn’t see me as a true friend.
    The truth is that the Divine had someplace else for me to be where I was helpful to another “unwanted” soul.

    My heart hurt when I wasn’t asked to go to sleepovers to the popular girls’ houses.
    I told myself that I was unpopular and not liked.
    The truth is I had plenty of good friends and some really close friends that needed me to be there for them instead of being in that popular clique.

    My heart hurt when my friends would hang out without me.
    I told myself that they were the true friends and I was just the 3rd wheel.
    The truth is they were working on their own friendships and this allowed me to enjoy things that they didn’t such as going to the library, long walks in nature, hanging out with my parents.

    My heart hurt when my best friend at the time chose her boyfriend over hers and mine relationship.
    I told myself that I wasn’t important to her because I couldn’t give her the attention she needed or wanted.
    The truth is I needed to regroups with myself and find what path the Divine had in mind for me.

    My heart hurt when my parents didn’t share with me their concerns about their future.
    I told myself that they didn’t trust me and my feelings and/or ideas.
    The truth is the Divine was waiting for the time to be right for when they were ready to talk to me about their concerns. I was always needed, but I was also being loved.

    I know NOW that I was always loved and wanted. I was being held in the palm of the Divine and given what my soul needed as my soul needed it even when I didn’t understand that. I know I am loved. I know I am needed. I know that I am wanted. I know that I can love everyone for who they are and not what I want them to be.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Bonnie love these are beautiful prayers and healings to your heart and i witness you loving yourself so that any of those bruised places inside your heart are washed over with the most love filled potent pink gold and green light … returning your heart to its true health … and you to the truth that you are loved, have always been, and could never be left out, because you are always connected to yourself, to the divine and to whatever form the divine love chooses to come through to you. CHOOSE YOU. xo

  • Sheree
    Reply

    My heart hurt….when my ex partner rejected all that i brought to our relationshipand found someone else to replace me.
    I told myself…that i wasn’t good enough for any man…but didn’t know why
    The truth is…he wasn’t good enough for me and I…i am worthy of a better kind of love.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Sheree— AMEN to that truth sister. Sending a power prayer for you to stay connected to that truth, to keep your love power close not giving the power of you feeling loved or not loved to any other human being, and filling any bruised parts of your heart up with the loving truth… you cannot be replaced… she has nothing to do with you and it’s not about her… this is the divine’s way of keeping you from being in a relationship that doesn’t honor your sacred soul. you are sacred. treat yourself that way, always. xo

  • Kate
    Reply

    Kid you not that is exactly what I was feeling this week and I was using your image of pouring love on the love crack. It was triggering those feelings and the situation was I am working hard and busy courses are in town so there are therapists from all over and I cant fit In Going to that and caring for my kids. I WAS invited to dinner tonight but need to be with my kids so I chose that. I felt bad cranky left out I let my IMG have her rant What my inner wisdom knew was that the support is already here. I even took a risk and told someone I felt left out and she offered me a new perspective. About being in the center not on the outside. The support IS already here. I felt heard. I had done some inner work before I voiced it out loud. And truth be told I Desire to be home with my kids tonight. Your divine spark was – OMG we are soooooo loved – it was perfect.

  • Kate
    Reply

    Oh now I’ve read it ( I was so excited from the spark I posted right away) so my heart hurt because I feel like I can’t the mom I am and be included with extra work things. The truth is I used to work here with my kids at home in a different city and now we live here. It will be different. It is all available to me but may take time not all at once. I am lonely and would love company but tonight I want and need to be with my kids. As I shifted the outside shifted.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Kate love – witnessing your love transformation right before my eyes – your stand to take care of your heart! way to let your IMG rant so you could get to the truth of your Inner Wisdom, and also way to throw out a Love Line for support. You are living self love right here right now and i witness you love. Big heart high five to you! xo

  • lenochka
    Reply

    of course, i had a great childhood! Same time those seeds of rejections grew up unattended and with time was chocking my life! i was so upet with my Mother , with whom inwasn’t accepted, approved, understood, supported
    i learned j
    how to put my boundaries but with Love, and becouse of love we had Forgiveness !
    and then i learn to meet events with rejection with awareness of Love. i will overgive to God my hurt in exchange for peace and understanding! and Magicly- i will be happy, easy going again like 10-15 min after prayer. i celebrate all of me today and sometime, like shadow of rejections come- i recognize emidietly and smile in my Heart- God , you Love me!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yes indeed love you are loved. Witness you in your knowingness and choice to open your heart to love in those moments when your mind could choose darkness. xoxo

  • susan
    Reply

    Thank you Christine for this message–it really hit the soft part of my heart. I have experienced rejection, and it does not feel good at all, and I remember many of the dark stories I created around it.
    I like your ideas about getting in touch with your own heart and the divine. Thank you again!! You are amazing and brave.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Susan love – thank you for posting this up, my heart is blowing a kiss to that tender part in your heart. And send a big beam of love to those dark stories that they may be released and that you may be free to see the truth and create the reality that actually supports you to be the open beam of love that you are, knowing that when you look for evidence of love and take control of your mind away from that Inner Mean Girl, you can reject rejection and stay true to yourself. Big love to you!! xoxo

  • Carol Steinberg
    Reply

    Christine–this is so brave and generous of you to share. These feelings have plagued me all my life…so amazing to me that someone like you feels them too…I feel less alone already.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Carol love – my heart is coming over to give you a big heart hug! I think we all feel this way – rejected, left out – at some time or another, and if we can just learn in the moment to lean in to love, which can feel vulnerable or hard, we can find evidence that there is more than enough love everywhere. Sending you love. xxo

  • Theresa
    Reply

    perfect sister LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

    t

  • Melanie
    Reply

    Hi Christine love this post. I have experienced this and my biggie this year is taking care of myself whatever that may be. Get some sleep, have a bath, get a massage, make a nice meal, book a holiday it can even be as simple as have a few moments to yourself and meditate or read a book. This has helped me tremendously. I know self care are the buzz words right now but if we don’t love ourselves how can we give love to the world. I like how you say we need to ask ourselves what is my interpretation of the event where you feel rejected. I am a very direct person so I find it easier to approach people but I realise some people don’t feel able to do that. Often when I do it can be a case of they thought I was invited or they actually thought I had too much on the go to be able to do their thing. Often what we think is hurtful is created in our head but if you do deep down in your heart feel like its a hurtful thing then like you said love never left us in that moment we haven’t changed its the circumstances around us that have. Its how we decide to deal with those emotions that either work for us or against us. The statistics you gave of adults dying with heart disease is mind blowing and I totally agree with you that its not just diet, or lack of exercise but its also all our emotions that go with this. What a sobering thought. I like how you say to ask yourself what can you do in that moment. We are adults we can arrange other things or even take some time to just have a quiet moment and get clear on what our intentions are. Life, people and events change all of the time and we can’t control that but we can control how we act to it. Thanks so much for this post it has helped me a lot. Have a great weekend. Much love Mel x x x

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Melanie love – thank you for your wise heart felt words – yes and yes and yes … so glad the post reached you and honoring your choice to honor your heart, and to say NO to letting your mind make up stories. SO much heart hurt happens because our Inner Rejection Queens and Kings create big fat lies about the situation rather than leaning into love and being direct about what we want. much love to you . xoo

  • suzi
    Reply

    Such a beautiful message, Christine. I so appreciate you!! xxoo

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Suzi – love and appreciation received. thank you! and much love to you xoxo

  • Rita
    Reply

    My heart hurt when people I rehearse and jam free music and dance with did not invite me to perform or participate in any public productions they organize. I told myself they are both better more experienced performers than I am, and that they do not believe I have real performing abilities like they do. And that I am not interesting or of value to them in the end except as an audience.

    Breeeeeaaaaaathe….. Hum Sah, hum Sah, hum Sah…

    The truth is I have been telling myself these things. Not them, and I can choose right here and now to tell myself something different. Like

    I am already a star, beaming deep within and not needing another person to invite me to shine. As I love inward, the light grows brighter, warming me…and others…in and with divine Love. Jai Ma…the divine mother who celebrates and applauds my performances of this human dancing expressive life.
    Hugs to your magic of self-love, Beloved Christine. Namaste,

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Jai Ma indeed Rita! I witness you taking your love power back by reclaiming your value and truth not based on any outside invitation. And I invite you to from the place of the inner divine child to invite yourself to be part of the public events you want to be part of, without attachment to whether there is a yes or a no. Be willing to face the illusion of rejection for even if a human being says no, the divine is showing you a path for your light to shine in some other way. No one but you can keep your light from being seen, and I witness your stand for shining. Much love to you dear one. xo

  • T
    Reply

    1. My heart hurt… (name the rejection starting point) This is very timely, Christine! My heart hurt when my boyfriend of 4 years broke it off with me last weekend, a week and a half before my birthday.

    2. I told myself … (name the story you told yourself about it) I’m not good enough to be loved! If I had only “fill in the blank.” I shouldn’t have put up such a fuss about “fill in the blank.” Why can’t I ever be in a lasting healthy relationship? What’s the matter with me?!?! At almost 53 and with some other challenges, no one else will want to be with me or it will take a small forever to “start over” and find a new partner.

    3. The truth is that.. (take your love power back and state the truth from a place of self authority) Nothing is black and white and neat and tidy! After the initial blowout, he’s now asked for a month off and some time apart and is working on his alcohol issues. He has acknowledged that his timing sucks. The other friend that I was thinking of asking to come to dinner has accepted the invite and is bringing her kiddo to hang out with mine. The boyfriend has kept the lines of communication open, has bought me a birthday gift, and would like to go on a date. The Universe seems to, indeed, be redirecting us to explore our options of changing the dynamics in the relationship or eventually parting. The Divine might be guiding us each to partners that are better for us both. The truth is that I have a wonderful new home and much more peace than when we were under the same roof and that I finally have a bathtub again! 🙂

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      T love – well the bathtub itself is enough of a divine gift to wash away any feelings of rejection 🙂 smile. And relfecting back to you the truth that his choice is not about you but about him, and that ultimately when you connect to your inner truth you KNOW that you deserve a partner that can love you and be with you and that this may or many not be him. A birthday present to give yourself, is to take a stand to no longer make you feeling loved dependent on whether any one person is in your life or not. Try that, and stand in your gloriousness only accepting loving respectful relationships. period. xoxo

  • jessp
    Reply

    My Heart Hurts when my best friend stopped calling me on a regular basis. I Told Myself it is because she isn’t interested in what is going on in my life. The Truth Is I know she cares about me and maybe I need to grow stronger without her support.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Jess love, sending your beautiful heart a big kiss in that place that felt rejected by your friend. And knowing in your truth that you are standing in your love power, to know that you can stand on your own and in that stand are open to receiving more love not less. xo

  • RaNae
    Reply

    My heart hurt when my husband died this year. I told myself I have been abandoned like I felt when I was growing up and I do not deserve to be loved and I will always be alone. The truth is that a unimaginable tragedy has happened. This was not done to me. The Divine has a greater mission for me to complete, with patience and self love I will be guided/directed to my purpose.(That is what I have been telling myself to make it through each day).

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      RaNae – sending your beautiful and bruised heart super love from the divine… keep loving yourself through this and also making sure you get love from many people. i am knowing that even as you go through this experience, you can find evidence that love has not left you. xo

  • Joanna
    Reply

    My heart hurt when my boyfriend chose to watch football all day and when we were spending time together that evening kept checking the team blog and twitter posts. I told myself I wasn’t interesting or worth attention. The truth is that I can pursue my own interests and give myself attention by asking what do I want?

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Joanna – yes love to NOT making his lack of presence about your not being interesting or worth attention. it is your choice in any moment as to who and what you surround yourself with. If presence is important to you then love yourself enough to choose to do other things when that isn’t possible instead of competing for his love. And also ask for what you need… our mates aren’t mind readers, and presence in this electronic age is hard. but if you lean in ask for what you need you will receive an answer as to if you really have a partner or a person that is worthy of you spending time with! take your love power back and heal that beautiful heart of yours. xoxo

  • Maraki
    Reply

    Beautiful Christine, these words add exactly what I needed to here at this time. I hear you! And definitely know that you are not rejected! You are so loved!!

    I have been feeling lonely and rejected for a while and for many evening I have been crying not knowing what to do. A friend and a very close friend stop talking to me. One of those friends was someone who I started having feelings for but he did not feel the same back. I did project my emotions to him and my close friend. Which I feel is the reason they stepped talking to me but at the same time I don’t know. These brought memories of my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me after two years in the relationship (this was five years ago). I did project my insecurity a lot towards him. As a result, I have had feelings of “unworthiness” of their love and I would start comparing myself to others (when I actually start feeling those yucky feelings, I add to those feelings by going to Facebook news feed and compare myself to friends who have romantic relationship or have such a big group of friends). My family has been very supportive and patient with me. They have been so loving. We live in a different town (not so far), but it is still hard to deal with my emotions. Lately, I go out to eat by myself and I travel a lot for work by myself. I know I can view this as an amazing opportunity to love myself more (tap more deeper into the love inside of me) and to know that I am worthy just the way I am and worthiness is intrinsic instead of dwelling into that feeling of loneliness and unworthiness. Also, definitely be committed to stop comparing myself.

    Christine, this is exactly what I needed!,You are such a beautiful inspiration and you are so loved!!!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Maraki – first love my heart is so sending your heart a big huge heart hug (and thank you for the reflection and reminder i am loved::)) … second a big yes to getting off the Facebook comparison wagon and instead keep looking for evidence of LOVE all around you and receiving as much love as you can. you are in a pwoerful place right now where you can actually receive a ‘love crack’ healing — so in this instance when it appears you are being rejected, which is triggering your love crack from ex person, which is likely connecting to earlier love crack, you choose to pour in love and receive healing instead of allowing the fear and loneliness monsters to take over. Take back your love power Maraki and give yoruself a love crack healing! big love to you xoxo

  • Linda
    Reply

    My heart hurts but it makes me feel empty.
    No job. No money. No friends. No family (my children are not speaking to me that means I do not get to see my 3 grandchildren grow up.

    I just got a job to pay the bills but as a single parent of 35 years I thought it would be heaven to be free. I am more locked up than ever. Like jail with no visitors.

    I try not to think or dwell on it but it is big. I am taking meds and taking care of myself by seeing a professional but the process is slow and I am lonely.

    My on and off again boyfriend just died and the fact that no one told me is horrific to me. I didn’t get to say good-bye. He was not really good to me, but he was my support system in case of an emergency.

    I am sad and my heart- well I don’t know about my heart it is breaking. Sorry to be “Debbie Downer” but it is all true.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Linda love, sending your Debbie Downer inner mean girl a big hug, knowing that you are in the process of choosing to LOVE yourself and when that happens, when you step forward to go deeper inside, she gets freaked out and starts to find all the evidence of how you are not loved or wanted… so i invite you to everyday find at least one piece of evidence that you are loved!! take your love power back… the divine is always here to give you love through you, through It and through others – stop focusing on the places love isn’t flowing and start finding where it is. you are love xoxo

  • Genevieve
    Reply

    Recently, I was not invited to spend Thanksgiving with some of my relatives, including my Grandmother who lives far away from me and will be flown in to be close by. This is not the first time this has happened. I have found out after the fact that my Grandmother was near by for a family event, but had already flown home without me seeing her! This year, I am choosing not to go, even though I found out before it was “too late”… I will choose to spend Thanksgiving with some friends where I know I am wanted instead! 🙂

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Genevieve – witnessing you love in choosing LOVE for yourself. POWERFUL> rejecting rejection . love it and much love to you! xoxo

  • Beauzile
    Reply

    My heart hurt(s)… because I’m a single, well educated woman over 40 but I’ve never ever had a real intimate, romantic relationship. I don’t know what it’s like to be in love or be loved in that way. My heart hurts… when I don’t receive responses from men to my online profile on a dating website. My heart hurts… when men never seem to notice, approach me in public or engage me in conversation and ask me out on a date. My heart hurts… even worse when I respond to a guy’s “blind” personals ad and we start emailing or instant messaging, but never hear from him again after I send him my photo.

    I told myself… that men don’t find me attractive because I don’t (and because of my genetics) can never fit the image of what is generally considered beautiful (young, tall, thin, and blonde). I know I’m not unattractive, and there are even times when I think I look good and feel confident. But it never seems to be enough despite the fact that I’m a smart, interesting woman with a great heart and soul.

    The truth is … I’m a phenomenal woman full of love and life with so much to offer. I’ve live by the Golden Rule and always strive to be the best person I can be. I know everything happens for a reason and that I deserve to receive as much love as I give. I’m grateful for all the love I get from friends and family, but this part of my heart has hurt for too many years and I don’t know why. Despite the pain, I continue to believe that I deserve love and to be loved by a man who will appreciate me for who I am and all I have to offer.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Love, you INDEED are lovable just because you are YOU – -and the more you keep LOVING YOU the more that love will open the way for others of many kinds – partners, friends, family to love you too. Sending your bruised heart kisses and remember to keep looking inside yourself and to the divine for love FIRST before you look for evidence on the outside. much love to you xoxo

  • natasha
    Reply

    My heart hurt when a man that I love dearly told me he wants to be alone from everyone including me. It made me feel rejected, abandoned, not worth loving, and I’m not good enough. Truth is I’m a good woman who is worth loving. God loves me and I’m working on loving myself and not depending on others to love me.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Natasha – knowing and witnessing that while this man leaving rattled your love cracks, filling those cracks with the Love from the Divine and from yourself will HEAL you and show you just how loved you are xo

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