Give Up Negative Self Talk! Choose Supportive Self-Love Talk

 In Self Acceptance, Self Care, Self Compassion & Forgiveness, Self Respect & Honor, Transforming Negative Self Talk

What if you could give up negative self talk? Watch this self-love divine spark for your heart on choosing supportive self-love talk!

Here’s the straight self-love truth…in order to choose self-love talk, one has to give up negative self talk, just like giving up any negative toxic habit – like biting your finger nails, smoking, or eating junk food – you can CHOOSE to not be a negative self-talker.

I took the stand to give up the negative chatter 6 years ago, and it changed my entire life. It wasn’t that the self doubt, self criticism, self-induced stress disappeared completely – although it did diminish A LOT! That crazy mind buzz just no longer controlled me, derailed me, drove me to make bad choices for myself.

First, I had to make the choice. I had to get to the point in my life and in my relationship with myself where I had had ENOUGH! Where I was sick and tired of the effects the negative self-talk was having on me. Wasting my energy. Making me feel bad and like I wasn’t doing enough no matter how much I did. Pressuring me to work more, work harder, or making me feel guilty if I took a break. Leading me to sell myself out or disregard my needs in order to make another person happy. It was exhausting. And I just decided it was stupid to do this to myself. So just like I had quit smoking at the age of 30, and quit having toxic relationships at the age of 31, and quit drinking diet pop at the age of 35, I figured, why not quit negative self talk. So I did. And it stuck!

How did I give up negative self-talk?

Well to start, any time I found myself in a negative self talk situation, I would just say out loud I GAVE UP NEGATIVE SELF TALK… I DON’T DO THIS ANYMORE!  And I would say it out loud again and again – as if I was literally talking to myself, and I was! I was telling that inner force who wields that heavy hard hand – I call her the Inner Mean Girl, or Inner Mean Dude for boys – that I was no longer a negative self-talker. Just like I was no longer a smoker, so if someone offered me a cigarette, I could decline because I just didn’t smoke. Or I could choose ice tea at lunch instead of diet pop, because I wasn’t a diet pop drinker.

So today, I am inviting YOU to make that first step by CHOOSING TO GIVE UP NEGATIVE SELF TALK. To quit being a negative self-talker and to choose to be a supportive self-love talker instead!


Which leads us to the second part of the process of giving up negative self-talk – you need self love super power tools.

Like I said, it wasn’t that it just went away completely, so I had to develop new ways to deal with the negative banter when it came up. A simple one is the one I mentioned above… You just simply say out loud as many times as you need “I don’t do this negative self-talk thing any longer!  I am just doing it! I choose supportive self-love talk!”

Then to get the supportive self-love talk moving through your mind, here’s what you do — put your hand on your heart… close your eyes and take a breath… and ask yourself, “What are the words I need to hear right now? If I was being a best friend to myself, what would I say?” And then say those words to you, starting with your first name (you always have to start with your first name) … FIRST NAME, << the words your heart needs to hear so it can then inform your mind to settle down and be supportive and kind to you! >>.

Let’s try it here on the BLOG so you can practice – and I will super power your post with more self-love talk!

Write this

1. EXPOSE THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK – where is fear, doubt, pressure, stress, criticism showing up for you?

2. TAKE THE STAND TO GIVE UP NEGATIVE SELF TALK & CHOOSE SELF LOVE TALK – “I choose to give up negative self talk!” “I choose to embrace supportive self love talk!”



I will go first —

I’ve been having a little negative self talk pressuring me into some of my old achievement junkie patterns, eating up the spaciousness and harmony I need in my life.

Love stream… Christine, you are doing enough! You are doing more than enough. You can have all the spaciousness you need to enjoy your life, walk on the beach, do your yoga, have fun and serve a billion people love. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself. In fact the more love you choose for yourself, the more harmony you will create and the more people you will touch.


Okay, now your turn….

be real about where the negative chatter is showing up … take the promise to give up negative self talk… love stream out the words you need to hear from yourself! Post here on the self-love blog….

And then remember to use your self love super power tool – the SELF LOVE SOAK – every morning by telling yourself the words you need to fill your heart with love, to choose supportive self love talk first thing in the morning before you ever get out of bed!

Download the FREE Self Love KIT that supports you to take and keep this promise to give up negative self talk and choose self love talk.

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Showing 6 comments
  • Stephie

    My negative self-talk monster gets triggered when I mess up, which I do every so often…When I really fuck up it’s scary what my inner mean girl does…it’s like she’s at an all-u-can-eat buffet.

    I NOW CHOOSE TO EMBRACE POSITIVE, LOVING SELF-TALK. (This will be my mantra thingie from now on.)

    You’re enough. It’s Ok to mess up. It means you’re growing.The more you can embrace that, the faster you can get to where you want to go and with more joy too, knowing that you don’t have to have it all figured out from day 1. You can have the life you want and be your own best friend along the journey. One step at a time!

    *p.s. Christine, i also wanted 2 thank u for the quiz you shared. I thought my self-love focus this year would be on my making ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE, but after taking the quiz, i realized it’s actually this stuff, the self-love talk that I most need to be working on right now. <3

    • Christine Arylo

      Stephie – YAY and yeS to all that compassion wiping that negative self talk out – to embracing the loving self talk and so glad that the self love pulse check got you focused in the place that matters most for you this year . xoxo

  • Kate

    I am better about stopping the negative self talk in some areas, like my work, and terrible in others. I realize I am so negative and hard on myself about my ability in relationships especially as a mom. I keep resetting to honor myself in that role. It is a big change going from being a stay at home mom to a full time working single mom and it does feel like there is not enough of me to go around. I can be calm and peaceful at work and at home is where I am safe to feel tired, taxed, overstretched but the need at home is great too. I also see how, when a long term relationship is ending and was hard for the long term, there is a belief in there that relationships don’t work for me. I am giving up that belief!
    I am giving up blame and name calling when things don’t go my way which can include when I am stretched thin and have no time for myself then I feel upset with everything. I will stop telling myself that was an “I suck moment” as a mom or sarcastic “great job mom.”
    I have beautiful and healthy relationships. I can take care of my needs. My needs can exist in my relationships. I am enough in my relationships especially as a mom because I can be present with my children in the moment and in that moment I will be enough. I take care of their needs with joy and set boundaries with ease and clarity. I give myself pauses to take care of myself too. Honestly it’s a lot of needs to take care of and stay centered or simply have stamina when you are worn down. Sometimes they get my goat and I have an overreaction to something. I am getting better everyday at staying centered, choosing respect, and having wonderful relationships.

    • Christine Arylo

      Kate — yes, you can take care of you too – yes you are getting better everyday at letting the love surround you… yes to knowing and feeling the truth that you are enough! xoxo

  • Lucy

    Great article thanks for the great advice

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