Self Love Signs: How to tell if you love yourself and if you don’t.

 In Self Worth, Transforming Your Life

Watch the video and learn the 6 signs you have, or don’t have, self-love. Then make a promise to focus on the places you need love the most, from yourself.

After researching and experimenting to find the answer to “How do i love myself? And how do i know if I am doing it or not?” I’ve found there are 6 key signs – “self-love signs” – that will show you the ways in which you are, and the ways that you are not.

As I’ve shared these self love signs with people around the world, what I continued to hear was, “Wow, I didn’t even know that was a result of lacking self-love.”

Yep, most of us don’t even know what the signs are that we need more love from ourselves, so you can’t diagnose or more importantly treat yourself with the medicine you need … until now.

The 6 signs that you are loving yourself … or not.

Are you:

  1. Settling in your life in any way for less than your heart and soul desire? Playing small. Letting fear stop you. Sacrificing your dreams. Procrastinating. Listening to conventional wisdom instead of going for the life your heart and soul are craving. PROMISE YOU NEED: I never settle for less than my heart and soul desire.
  2. In relationships that don’t support you or fully honor you? You have relationships that drain you or degrade you, dishonor you in anyway. Hold on to friends, lovers, clients that are not supporting you to grow or be your best self?  Lacking the kinds of friendships or the number of soul family you have around you?  PROMISE YOU NEED: I only have loving respectful relationships.
  3. Being hard on yourself.  You criticize instead of appreciate yourself. Put pressure on yourself.   PROMISE YOU NEED:  I am gentle, kind and compassionate with myself, always.
  4. Treating your body poorly – Neglecting it. Treating it like a workhorse or slave. Being mean to it. Hating on it. Instead of adoring it. Treating it like a temple. Even with wrinkles and cellulite.  PROMISE YOU NEED:  I treat my body like a sacred temple.
  5. Over giving to others, not taking care of yourself, cuz you are taking care of everyone and everything else?  You know it. Enough said. PROMISE YOU NEED: I take care of myself first, without guilt.
  6. Sacrificing what you really desire, because you are afraid of letting others down?  PROMISE YOU NEED: I stay true to myself even if that means disappointing another.

Mantra Promise to Fall in love

Okay, now it’s your turn to choose one area of self-love and take ONE promise that will help you give yourself the love you most need this year. Write the PROMISE down here as an act of taking it and committing to it. And then share with me one small but mighty act you will take to keep this promise this week.

I’ll go first…  I promise to take care of myself without guilt!  This week I will take Monday morning before noon for myself to really care for ME after teaching this retreat all weekend. (ohhh can’t wait!!!)

Now your turn… post here.

 

Strengthen Your Self Love, join us for the Self Love Foundations program we call The Love Club where each month you strengthen a branch of self love (self care, self compassion, self empowerment, and more)

To learn more, go to www.JointheLoveClub.com  —  I’d love to support you to choose love for yourself.

 

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Showing 82 comments
  • Laurie H
    Reply

    Yes, I settle!I left a job last year because I refused to settle anymore. I also, put others ahead of myself and don’t say caring thoughts enough to myself the way I do to others. I need to support myself the way I support other people. If we can’t love and take care of ourselves, we can’t be of use to others. I chose to change!! thanks so much for your videos. It’s a year to return to self love.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Laurie – witnessing your yes to returning to love, for yourself. big deal, and big love. xox

  • Myke
    Reply

    Wowee Christine for your timely wake-up call for more self-lurve (:

  • mariposa
    Reply

    taking care of me!!!

  • Claire
    Reply

    Unconditional acceptance and caring for yourself like a dear child (connected with inner child work) and remembering that allowing is chilling out and relaxing not ‘trying harder’, talking to/reconnecting to your heart’s energy

  • Angela
    Reply

    I need help in all

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Angela – may love find you in all the places you are ready to receive it ! xoxo

  • Julie
    Reply

    Uh-oh!…. Looks like I am majorly lacking self-love. Hearing the 6 signs made it really clear. I already knew it- but how to correct it is hard. Something that prevents me from figuring that out came out in the video: the seeming conflict between not settling and being hard on yourself. I am SO hard on myself. But its mostly because I have not achieved the life I want to have or am proud of. Because I don’t want to settle for something that is mediocre- but as a result I haven’t found “it” yet and and so constantly sad and embarrassed and hard on myself because I I haven’t been successful at thriving at something I love and a proud of. Almost 40 and it seems to elude me and makes me so sad. Christine, or anyone else, can you comment on not being OK -at all- where you are in your life (because you won’t settle and want something more and haven’t gotten there yet) and being really hard (down) on yourself because your’e not there?
    THANKS:))
    Julie

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Julie love, great question — and this is a big question, ill give you a start … it’s about attachment to the outcome vs feeling what your heart and soul desire – often the form of what we think and how we measure ourselves is not the outcome we think in our minds. so i invite you to focus on connecting more deeply to the desires of your heart and soul beyond the mind and the ego and connect more deeply with spirit to surprise yourself as to what is possible. then immeditately consider taking a 40 day Inner Mean Girl cleanse http://www.innermeangirlcleanse.com or joining us at inner mean girl reform school http://www.innermeangirlreformschool.com — and last piece, the number 40 means enough, so perhaps you have had enough of not being enough and this year is your breakthrough year xoxoxoo

  • Jess
    Reply

    The last few years I have been settling, and even enduring a life that I knew deep inside me wasn’t right and wasn’t making me happy. But I thought I don’t deserve a happy life, I thought I will never be able to realize my dreams, I thought I had to accept what was even though it was breaking my heart, I thought something was wrong with myself. I’ve been so unhappy!!! I am now changing this, although it’s so hard cause my dream is so huge that it seems imposssible. Some days I am doing great, some days (like today) I am full of fear and doubt. But I am continuing my self-love journey best I know how, am taking steps towards my dream, and opening up to the divine as much as I can. I don’t have any close friends where I live to support me, so joined the Love Club. Hm, this doesn’t sound very coherent. Just needed someone to listen, I guess. I no longer want to settle for less than my heart and soul desire!!!

  • Kristen
    Reply

    Wow! Thanks! So powerful to reflect on all these things! It hurts to think of some of these things because I know I need to love myself in so many of these areas, including that I am being hard on myself for not being in a better place after over a year spent focused on me. (And this a day after my Buddhist meditation retreat!) Clearly I have work to do. I commit to giving myself more love in standing up for what I need. I am developing a return to work plan. In it, I have started to list the things I will need to do for the job and for myself to come back. So this is a good thing! And I celebrate it! (YAY ME!) Next I commit to standing up for what I need in my relationship. Being prepared to ask hard questions, listen, and then figure out what I want to do. Perhaps we are together because we just are and it is time to let go—or dig deep and get messy and get what we need from each other. (or at the very least, TRY, something, anything, and then both know!) Thanks for this. xoxoxo

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Kristen – witnessing your stand for self love! yes to celebrating you. to being honest. to asking the hard questions and loving yourself through the hurt. you are love.xo

  • catherine murphy
    Reply

    Hi Christine, thank you for the video and info. please let me be the first to promise myself more TIME to do the things that sing to my soul-walk in nature. I have been putting it off, and to tell the truth, if anyone else needed it I would be the first to help them with it!!! So I am giving it to ME, because I am SOOOOO worth it!! Take Care of YOU

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Catherine – your welcome and love thank you for CHOOSING LOVE FOR YOU!!! you are worth taking exceptional care of xoxo

  • Em
    Reply

    I promise to be forgiving, gentle, kind and compassionate with myself, always. To know I am enough in every way and that all I need is within.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Em – what a beautiful promise to yourself – witnessing you in your stand for self love xoxo

  • Cynthia
    Reply

    Reading the list of 6 areas needing self love has revealed my desperate need for all 6. My self love tree did not grow in worth as a very young child with a narscisstic mother. I have promised myself to be compassionate and kind and gentle with myself so that the roots of my tree will be nourished rather than shamed. I am repotting my tree in fresh soil of Worth.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Cynthia – love seeing your soil replenishing and nourished with love – may it be so. you are loved. xo

  • Susan Russitano
    Reply

    I promise not to be so hard on myself today, saying I am not accomplishing enough today in my head–turn it around by being compassionate to me instead. Each day I will take this pledge.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yes to promising yourself over and over again Susan until it sticks!! perfect. Keep loving you. oxox

  • wendy
    Reply

    i promise to honor + respect myself by being in relationships that are supportive,caring and that encourage growth.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Wendy this is one of the most powerful promises you can make – it will lead you straight to being wealthy in love and loved for who you are xoxo

  • Sandra Isabel Galvan Falcon
    Reply

    I promise to take care of my self with no guilt. This week I am going to do what ever I have to do with calm, within its perfect time, no matter my Job mates may try to press and up set me as they usually do. No more stress for nothing.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yes to see you later stress and to you love having what you need! Witnessed!! xoxo

  • Maria
    Reply

    Dear Christine,

    Thank you so much for your very beautiful inspiration!

    The signs where I am not giving myself self love is that I am hard with myself (I compare myself to others) and also I feel I am settling for less than my heart and soul desires (such as my current job, which I know is not my passion and what I enjoy). I am very excited to grow all branches in my self love tree. The self branch that I will strongly focus on this year is Self-Acceptance <3 I am making a vow to love myself fully (fall madly in love with me) just that way I am and no matter what!

    Thank you so much for all your great help, support, and inspiration! I am very grateful! Much much love!

    Love always,

    Maria <3

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Maria – YES!!! I love seeing your promise, your branch, your clarity – now you know where you need love, you can give it to yourself! xoxo

  • Vickie
    Reply

    Thanks for the inspiration. It’s not easy to get rid of old habits even when they’re destructive to body and soul. I hope for myself to do just that in 2014 and your thoughts are a gentle reminder to be healthy in all areas of my life.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Vickie – anything is possible with love and faith, not always easy like you said. May grace and love make the path more easeful this year for you xo

  • Ann
    Reply

    I settle for less than my heart desires……hell, I don’t even really know what my heart desires.
    So, I’m going to ask….my heart? Hmmmm….flowers, walking on the beach, enough rest, a cup of tea, stillness, making cards, petting a puppy (did that today) being grateful……..:)

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Ann – great start! yep, we have to start with asking what our heart and soul desires and then listen — may your heart continue to tell you what she needs. xoxo

  • Lovena
    Reply

    I stay true to myself eveb if it means letting down another!!!!!

  • Dr. Niama Williams
    Reply

    I passed the test!!!! I am giving my self love in all the areas you mentioned, and I am SO GRATEFUL to you, Christine, for being the barometer that lets me know if I am doing this all the way I should.

    Ever since I decided to leap into the life that God and the Holy Spirit wanted for me, I have been saying YES to the desires of my heart, and oh my, nothing is more liberating than that!!! It has gotten so good that now I am choosing where to step back so that I don’t overwhelm and overwork myself.

    If you are reading this and trying to decide whether or not to sign up for Christine’s program, DON’T DELAY–this woman is right on the mark!!!! She has led me to a life of my deepest happiness because I was willing to risk loving myself so that I COULD love others.

    Christine Arylo has it right, friends; don’t miss out on signing up for her programs. THEY WORK.

    Love and blessings,
    Dr. Ni

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Dr Ni – big love to you and sooo blessed to see you expanding into so much love – thank you for being such an ambassador of love to share with others from your over fill! xo

  • Boo Archer
    Reply

    I pledge to be more accepting of myself. As I get older, now almost 50, I so want peace with my appearance. I want to look in the mirror and just say “Boo, you are awesome!! ” plus, I want to join the love cluband share the love with everyone!!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Boo you are awesome!!! and i am seeing you see that for yourself this year too! xoxo

  • Dianne
    Reply

    I promise to expand my circle of loving, meaningful relationships. I will take 1 hour on Wednesday mornings to look through the online dating resource that I use, and contact one person during that hour that I think would increase kindness and love in my life.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Dianne way to put self love into action – and something that you can do that will be super joyful maybe is just smiling more and inviting more love in all the time – smiling opens your heart and makes you a love magnet 🙂 xoxo

  • Fabi
    Reply

    I will commit myself to more self love. I relate to ALL 6 signs! Soo bad. I will make this a year to love myself and nourish my soul! Thank you for all the positive messages.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Fabi – no bad just good that you see that you are going to receive lots of love for yourself – from yourself. Just start with one sign and bring more love there. xoxo

  • Janis
    Reply

    I just told myself that this last weekend was my retreat that I was doing for myself. I told my fiancé this and didn’t respond to the little inner-guilt-talk that wanted to start with me. I lifted it higher in my mind, like this is what I would feel if I was doing someone for someone else— then reversed back to FEEL it for myself. It worked and the fiancé was just perfect with it all. I said that this is preparation for us because if we were living together then it would mean I would go get hotel room and just need to time alone and self-nurturing that I seem to need to recharge myself. This is good practice now, don’t you think? Marriages seem to have a built in assumption that nobody’s time can be done alone- it all has to be shared or there needs to be a good reason to want to be alone without explaining or offending the other.
    So, the promise to be true to myself even it means we might hurt another person’s feeling is true for me…

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Janis – yes and yes!! Way to ask for what you need. And yes, being married myself i can attest that Noah and I each take our time for each other – in fact it is a non issue just part of how we live our lives, supporting what each other needs. blessing on your self love promise! xoxo

  • Karen
    Reply

    Yes too hard on myself because I haven’t got a job. Never mind that
    the doctor has signed me off for a bit with depression. I am nothing , I am not contributing to society and earning a wage….

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Karen – I am knowing that YOU ARE EVERYTHING and by simply being you and choosing LOVE for yourself, you are contributing to this world. Remember that you are enough not because you make $ but because you choose to love. May love guide you through the darkness so that you may feel the embrace of sweet spirit and this world around you. xoxo

  • Satish
    Reply

    This year I will take care of myself without any guilt. For me I am the most important person.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Satish – and so it is! I see guilt melting away and in it’s place you knowing that you deserve to take care of yourself always. xoxo

  • Fiona
    Reply

    Dear Christine,
    Just first I want to say how inspiring you are!It is a big shame I live in Holland though..I would love to come to your love club!!
    Where I am not loving myself:
    In my relationship of 4 years, I always seem to be sad and dissappointed when my boyfriend is around and make excuses for him and try to accept whohe is but I am feeling worse ans worse each day.
    Looking at the ‘not so acceptable’parts of my body and judging!
    I am taking the first steps to starting my own business but hold myself down by putting too much energy into others including my boyfriend..And the last few weeks I am overeating like no-one’s business..so not sure what is going on there..
    But I will make a commitment to give myself more self love because Ir really really work so hard to change my patterns and give myself what I deserve but it is soooo alien to me and difficult!!
    Thankyou!!Love Fiona

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Fiona – I see you and witness you seeing where you need more love for you – and so it will come!! And you can join us from Holland from the love club – it all happens virtually and via the internet so you can come from anywhere! we have peeps all over the world. Would love to have you!! go to http://www.JointheLoveClub.com xoxox

  • Nadia
    Reply

    I’m not loving myself enough because I over stress myself, thinking I need to do better and do more, and I torture myself with the thought that I am not enough. Gosh! It’s terrible what we do to ourselves…
    This year I make the commitment with myself to grow in self-love, to take care of myself first and acknowledge all the hard work I’ve already done and I do every day, and to remember I AM ENOUGH.

    Thank you, Christine.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Nadia – i witness your stand for self love for yourself and to remember you are enough, because you are!!! xoxo

  • Nikki
    Reply

    Christine, thanks for more reinforcements that will lead to my path of self-love. A really big issue for me. Yes, I have settled most of my life primarily in relationships. In my most recent relationship that ended, I did everything right but he wasn’t ready. How do I accept that and still feel good about myself? And now I am settling in yet another type of relationship that is tearing me up. Thus, the main reason I am posting this today.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Nikki the simple but mighty answer is forgive yourself for all the ways in which you let yourself down. If you have my book Madly in Love with ME, do the self trust adventure and the self compassion moment. powerful. forgiving ourselves is way harder that forgiving others. and YOU can do it! xo

  • Ksenja
    Reply

    1. I promise myself to take care of myself without guilt and fear!
    This week and many weeks more I will take care of my currently and for this year the most important thing for me which is to obtain my master degree in international relations <3
    2. I promise to myself to honor and to respect myself by only being in relationships that are lovable, respectful, supportive, caring and that encourage growth.
    3. I promise to myself to treat my body like a temple.
    4. I promise to myself to talk to me in a loving way <3

  • Linda
    Reply

    I promise myself not to settle anymore. I will now focus 100% on creating my dream life.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      LInda – YES to not settling and to CREATING YOUR DREAMS … love yourself and your dreams into reality. xo

  • Rhonda
    Reply

    I need work in all of them but I think the not settling one has become a really big one for me lately. I’ve felt so restless and stuck with the way my life has been, seemingly all shades of gray with very little color. And I’m sick of gray!! I want bright splashes of fuschia and turquoise and lime green and yellow!

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Rhonda – woo hoo to not settling – i love this promised, saved my life. may it open yours to all those colors of the technicolor rainbow !

  • Élisa
    Reply

    I am lacking self-love…
    I apologize for my feelings, like… All the time !
    I am so hard on myself. These last weeks, the “trap” was : I am doing or thinking something I know is not good, but I can’t help it. So, I do not only blame myself for the thing, but also for knowing, and doing it all the same, so I blame myself for not applying my own advices to myself. And self-hate becomes like a spiral, like a snake eating its own tail, and it hurts soooooooo bad.

    I also compare… A (huge) lot.
    And I don’t accept my body. I have a friend who is probably the handsomest person I have ever met (he is a dude). When I look at myself after looking at him, I feel disappointed, small, and not-enough.
    This is not the way I should treat my temple. It may be a not-so-tall temple and a not-so-handsomely-shaped one, but it is a temple, and a sacred being, so I can love her with all my heart.

    So I make a self-love promise that this year, I’m going to tend my self-live branches that need doing so.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Elisa i witness you in your commitment to lOVE you even more this year. xo

  • Genevieve
    Reply

    I take care of myself first, without guilt. I will not put me first and let the chips fall where they may!

  • Travis
    Reply

    Making a choice to love myself again. I realize am giving my all in a relationship where I don’t feel the same commitment from her. And it has been leaving me feeling empty and I find myself trying my best to fix it. I realize that I should let it go and work on loving myself am hoping I can break away from her and this relationship and focus on myself and be happy

  • Sans
    Reply

    I seem to have almost all the signs of lacking self-love. we never learnt that there is something like loving one’s self. but life taught me the hardest way (the best way), essential lessons on this. that’s how i reached here, to be able to connect with you.
    for this week i promise that i shall meditate every single day of this week, without fail. no excuses given or accepted.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Sans seeing you connecting to yourself and to your divine source every morning – from a place of love for yourself because YOU matter that much to yoU! xxoo

  • Yana
    Reply

    I knew that I haven’t been loving on myself… But after hearing your 6 signs and relating to all of it, I’m so ready to transform this and to start falling in love with me like never before!
    Every night after 8pm I am going to rest. No cleaning, no working or anything else other than relaxing and having me time.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yana – witness your promise to yourself – temple closes at 8pm! xxo

  • Mary
    Reply

    how and where can i get a copy of the “never settle” painting? Love it!

  • natasha
    Reply

    I over give and settle to get the love I want but it eludes me all the time leaving my heart depleted and empty. I give to receive but I don’t receive

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Natasha – witnessing that you are ready to STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF even if that means disappointing another! To help with the over giving… ask yourself WHAT WOULD ENOUGH BE to give, and just give that! xo

  • tina
    Reply

    I must stop harming myself and love my self..substance abuse is not heathy and lacks love on all levels

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Hearing love and witnessing you in your stand to LOVE YOURSELF> be kind and compassionate instead of critical and harsh on this journey – you are not alone. xoxo

  • Nikia
    Reply

    I wondered for many years why I put others first, why I seeked approval from others when making decisions,why I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for years because I could not just walk away. I thought that because I had a good loving heart I sought out the best in other people and had faith in people being capable of change. I have the hardest time saying no, because I wanted to be remembered as a sweet, helpful individual. I would have never thought that I didnt love myself ENOUGH, but after reading this article I finally see that I need to work on me. I dont know where to start or how to begin but I am going to learn. My childrens father told me that people take my kindness for weakness, but now I see that others may be able to see that I dont love myself enough and they can take complete advantage. I’m kind of embarassed but at the same time happy to know what my biggest problem is and what I need to work on.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Nikia love, awareness is the first step, so happy you now have more awareness as to where to focus. And just so you know – MANY, in fact all, people are in need of remembering to love themselves so no need to be embarrassed, be proud that you love yourself enough to make the shifts that will honor yourself. xo

  • Kim
    Reply

    I promise to myself to never ever ever settle for less than my heart and soul desire. I know that I am 100% capable of pursuing my dreams and not letting distractions get the best of me.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Yes you are Kim!!! And praying super power of love to you to never settle again for less than your heart and soul desire. xoxo

  • octavius
    Reply

    Mines is the last too

  • Joanne
    Reply

    I need a lot of self love, I feel unhappy most of the time. I met my husband when I was just 17 and he was my first love. I love him dearly, but feel a bit resentful that i have not experienced life as such and feel like I’ve missed out on alot.

    • Christine Arylo
      Reply

      Joanne – from this place, you can make the choice to release the past and make the choice NOW to take the self love promise to never settle for less than your heart and soul desire. Then listen to what that is, committ to giving it to yourself and your husband will either come along or not. But first, you have to make the choice for yourself. Love yourself enough to be the queen of your life. xoxo (and if you need support, join us at the Love Club … http://www.JointheLoveClub.com – would be honored to support you!) xoxo

  • Abigail Tandoc
    Reply

    I promise not to be so hard on myself: I am gentle, kind and compassionate with myself, always. I will not blame or torture myself for the failure of my relationship. This week, I will take the time to allow myself to wallow in the pain of heartbreak, but I will not think of thoughts that will torture myself.

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