Why We Stay in & Choose Unhealthy Relationships – A Self Love and Relationship Teaching
Why do we stay in and choose unhealthy relationships?
How can it be that smart people who are successful at work, good people to their families and friends struggle when it comes to their love life?
Why does a person keep making the same bad choices and mistakes in who they choose as romantic partners or friends?
A lack of self-love is at the root cause of every unhealthy relationship we choose to stay in.
Most people just have no idea that is the lack of self-love that is the cause of their relationship drama, challenges and pain.
Or even if you do know that it you not loving yourself that is causing you to keep choosing or staying in relationships, you still might not know exactly what that means, why that is, and most importantly what to do about it.
In the Path of Self Love mini-teaching video on self love and relationship, one in the series on Transforming Self-Sabotaging Choices & Habits into Self Loving Action, Christine Arylo, founder of the Path of Self Love School and best selling author of Choosing ME Before WE, shares more on:
- The toxic habit of overstaying in relationship – why we sacrifice, settle and sabotage ourselves for love.
- Why it is so hard to leave or end a relationship even if you know that it’s not right or good for you – learn about how we stuff people into our “love cracks”
- How to get honest with yourself about the ways you may be lying to yourself about your relationships
- How to take empowered action to make self loving choices that create relationships that honor and support you
Would you love to have relationships that support you?
Watch the Self Love and Relationship video above, and go through this process with Christine.
The Self Love Honesty Hearing
The biggest place I see people sabotage themselves in their relationships is in their in ability to be honest with themselves. Their branch of self honesty and self awareness is weak, and usually so is their branch of self trust.
And I get it! If you have read my book Choosing ME Before WE already, you know that I lied to myself for 14 years and 6 months during my 15 year relationship with the man I almost married because he was so lodged into my love cracks ( I just had no idea).
Strong self esteem and successful at work, I never knew I had a weak self love in the areas of self honesty, self honor, and self trust when it came to my relationships with men.
Most of us will avoid being honest with ourselves about the state of our relationships and love life because we are avoiding having to look at how we have sold ourselves out, sacrificed our own needs and allowed ourselves to stay in relationships that didn’t honor us.
But when you can get honest – you can become free. It’s the first step.
In the video, I’ll walk you through a self honesty hearing, a process that we teach at The Path of Self Love School and one that is in my second self love book Madly in Love With Me.
Here’s a brief outline – watch the video, and we’d love to witness your brave choice of self love to get real and honest with you.
- I think I am not being honest in my relationship with _______
- If I was being honest, I would say _____________
- If I am honest, I am afraid that I _____________
- The cost of this lack of self honesty to me is _______________
- The reality that I would love to create for myself is _______
- One action I can take in the next week is __________
I teach that self love is a path, a practice and a choice.
Which means you have to DO the practice. So do yourself a big self love favor and try it – you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Here I will share first, from the perspective of if I had done this in my former relationship:
I think I am not being honest in my relationship with my fiance.
If I was being honest, I would say that we should not get married. If I am honest I am afraid that I will look stupid for ending the engagement, that I’ll have to move, and that I’ll be alone.
The cost of this lack of self honesty to me is my freedom, my happiness and really, my life.
The reality I would love to create for myself is that I am free to live where I want, do what I want and that if I am in relationship that I have a true partner. One action I can take in the next week is to get support to help me heal what is going on within me.
Share in the comments below…
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(from Christine’s Self Love Coloring Book & Journal)
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I love the truth in what you are sharing and will look honestly at myself and relationships I have that are not as I would want them to be. I have also shared the video link with others in the hope your words will also be helpful to them. I help people with body awareness and use standing positions and movement to help people find the wisdom from within. Poses I would use are: self love, yes, no, give, receive, entering in, and more. I would engage people in the 4 elements and cycles they functions within to witness their roll in the relationship. You have given me many thoughts to consider for myself as well as those who seek my help that are struggling. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, knowledge and experience as I will do the same.
Some people do not really have self-love, and would choose to live in self-deceit. They would choose to misrepresent the truth to themselves and to other people. They put on smiles, but deep down, they are not happy in the relationship.