Transform Negative Self Talk & the Toxic Habit of Comparison
Join me, Christine Arylo, founder of the Path Of Self Love School, on the ‘love couch’ & bring your Inner Comparison Queen, there is room for all three of us.
I’m going to share with you a simple but mighty self love practice you can use when Comparison strikes – when you find yourself comparing yourself to others or to who you feel like you should be. Watch the video + read the post.
In this video, I dive into one of the 33 Toxic Habits that affect Women & Girls: Comparing yourself to others or who you think you should be.
Your Inner Comparison Queen loves to tell you things like “Why haven’t you done more? Look at how much that other person has done? You aren’t as good, pretty, popular, successful, wealthy, loved, etc. etc. You should be more <insert comparison>? OUCH!
Comparison is creating a tremendous amount of separation among women and girls everywhere, but there is a solution, a self love antidote to transform the comparison which creates isolation into connection.
Over the past 10 years, I have studied these toxic habits found specifically in women and girls, developing ways to transform them. Comparison can sabotage our relationships, careers, emotional and mental well being, health, well everything.
I have found the source of our comparison, and the antidote.
The Source? Our “Inner Mean Girls” – specifically the Comparison Queen. Like an inner critic but much more personal and harmful, this inner sabotaging force begins as young as age 6. There are 13 different types of Inner Mean Girls, of which the Comparison Queen is one.
My Inner Mean Girl is Mean Patty she loves to compare me to other people, to who I should be or to who I once was.
These inner mean girls love to use comparison as a way to stop us from things they think won’t be safe. They have 3 specific ways they can get to us through comparison. See which ring true for you.
Your Inner Mean Girl Compares You to:
- Other people: This can happen in an inferior way or superior way, either way it makes you feel less than or more than, which creates separation.
- Who you think you should be: She’s a total ‘shoulder.’ You should be this by now, have this by now. The inner mean girl puts all this pressure on you to be so hard on yourself. Making you feel like you’re under so much pressure. Again, creating separation.
- Who you used to be: Going back into time of when you were skinnier, happier, less wrinkles, no grey hair. I used to have this kind of money or house, I used to be…
What all of this creates is SUFFERING.
Which is not Self-Loving!
Here is the Self Love Antidote: Inspire and Admire
When comparison shows up, instead of self bullying choose self love by choosing to see what is inspiring you about this other person.
What most people don’t know is that when Comparison shows up, what you are seeing inside of the other person is also something inside of you! You couldn’t see it in them unless it was also inside of you. How you uniquely express will be different, but what you are seeing in them is something you have too, in your way.
It’s just that this part of you is either repressed or not as expressed.
Your Inner Wisdom is trying to show you that there is a part of you in your heart that is saying EXPRESS ME!
Let’s Do the Self Love Transformation Process together:
ONE: Presence the Comparison. Who are your comparing yourself to? Or do you compare yourself to? Write this down on a piece of a paper and ask yourself these questions:
- What is it inside this other person that really inspires me?
- What is it inside this other person that I’m seeing I really admire?
Remember, these same qualities and same essence are inside of you too!
TWO: Reveal what Your Inner Wisdom is trying to tell you about what inside of you wants to be more free to express?
- Ask what in me is wanting to come out and be expressed?
- What is one step I can take to move toward expressing this more?
Here’s a personal story of my self love transformation of comparison to inspiration:
I compared myself to Eve Ensler, founder of V-Day. And when I did this practice what I got to see was what I loved about her. She’s a revolutionary and willing to stand up and do something different.
And what’s going on in our culture right now, doesn’t work for me. She was willing to stand up for women and girls and call them together. So instead of comparing myself to Eve and getting all contracted, I OPENED UP.
Then… here’s where it gets super powered and how you move into admiration and inspiration!
THREE: Reach out to the person you’re comparing yourself too and you tell them what inspires you about them.
Of course, I don’t know Eve, so I posted on her Facebook page and started telling others what I loved about her. And I used what she did with creating VDay to fuel the Self Love Movement. Which became our own Self-Love Day on February 13th, with Self Love Ambassadors, 3 published Self-Love books, programs, a teacher training and now The Path of Self Love School.
Does it look like what Eve did? No. But at the Path of Self Love School we’re not just a school, we’re on a mission to create a world in which every child who is born, is born connected to love, and stays connected to that love because they know how to source love from within.
So, even though it isn’t the same outcome, there is a power when shifting that comparison into self love, self expression and self empowerment.
When you compare yourself you smush your self empowerment and self expression.
The world needs you to be in the world, expressing yourself, empowering yourself, going out there and going for your dreams.
And, if you’re beating yourself up more around who you should be or once were, you can try this:
- Ask yourself what is the essence of that person I was or think I should be?
- What is the essence I want to reclaim or express?
- And then NAME the word! Take that word and write it on the mirror, on a post card, and put on a screen saver. Instead of shoving it or hiding it, express it more, every day!
Share with Us Below:
1. How are you comparing yourself?
2. What is the ESSENCE you are seeing in this other person that you admire or inspires you?
3. What is one self loving act will you take to express this part of you more?
NEW! Path of Self Love School Upcoming Personal Transformation Program:
Reform Your Inner Mean Girl. Empower Your Inner Wisdom.
Begins October 2nd
Later this week we are opening the doors to our 3-month personal transformation circle for women who would love to transform their inner critics and strengthen the connection to their Inner Wisdom.
Details coming soon!