Lesson 1: Getting Present & Setting Your Intentions

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Childern

Our first week together is all about self-compassion, which is the practice of offering yourself kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, understanding, and patience – whenever you need it without cause or condition – and teaching your children to do the same.

We are going to intentionally start slow so we don’t overwhelm you!

Grab your journal and watch the video above (don’t skip this part of the process).

After you watch the video, complete the following sentence starters in your journal…

• I am taking this course for my children {presence their names} because…
• I am taking this course for myself because…
• One thing I love about myself is…

Share your sentence starters in the comments section below so we can witness your intentions!

Lesson 2: Feeling Self-Compassion

In this video, I’ll share the first 3 steps to model and teach self-compassion to your children:

1. Understanding what self-compassion is.

2. Choosing to be kind, gentle, patient, and understanding with yourself.

3. Practicing FEELING self-compassion in your heart.

PROMISE TO BE
KIND,
GENTLE,
PATIENT, AND
UNDERSTANDING
WITH YOURSELF.

CHOOSE SELF-COMPASSION TOWARDS YOURSELF
OVER CRITICISM, JUDGMENT, & PRESSURE
ALWAYS.

After watching this video, share the words of compassion you needed to hear in the comments section below.

Lesson 3: Self-Compassion Pulse Check

Signs of Weak and Strong Self Compassion
Where are You Weak & Where are You Strong?

Rate how true each of the following statements are for you
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

1.  I do not compare myself to others or judge myself based on other people’s success.
2. I focus on being the best me I can be, instead of being envious, jealous or comparing myself to others.
3. When I fall short or I fail, I am compassionate instead of critical with myself.
4. I cut myself slack and support myself to grow at a healthy pace, instead of putting lots of pressure on myself to do more, achieve more or be perfect.
5. I feel accepting of my past choices instead of ashamed or regretful. I forgive myself for my mistakes, knowing I was doing the best I could at the time.
6. My internal self-talk is supportive, encouraging and positive. I am not hard on myself, and if I am, it’s not for very long.
7. I can stop the internal negative self-talk when it shows up. I don’t get derailed or defeated by my inner critic.
8. I am supportive and encouraging with myself. I acknowledge all that I have already done and accomplished.

Now rate how true each of the following statements is for your children
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

Signs of Strong Self Compassion

1. They can forgive themselves for big and little things.
2. They think compassionately and positively about themselves instead of critically and negatively.
3. They believe they are doing the best they can.
4. Instead of pressuring themselves when they are struggling or trying something new, they can apply patience.
5. They are kind, gentle, and understanding with themselves.

Signs of Weak Self Compassion

1. They are more likely to criticize themselves for what they have not done instead of acknowledging themselves for what they have achieved.
2. They blame themselves, like things are their fault, even when things are not in their control.
3. They expect perfection from themselves and others and become angry, controlling or critical when things don’t go perfectly or as planned.
4. They set unrealistic expectations and judge themselves for not meeting these expectations.
5. They are really hard on themselves.

In your journal, reflect on the following…

• Where am I weakest in self-compassion…
• Where am I strongest in self-compassion…
• Where are my children weakest in self-compassion…
• Where are my children strongest in self-compassion…
• Notice if and how your weak and strong self-compassion are showing up in your children. How is your strong self-compassion positively impacting your children? How may your weak self-compassion be impacting your children?

Remember, it’s not if you have self-compassion or if you don’t have self-compassion. This is not a yes or no question. The question is where is your self-compassion strong and where is it weak. Once you’re aware of where your self-compassion is weak, you can choose to STRENGTHEN these aspects of your self-compassion!

Strengthening Self Compassion Allows Your Children To:

• Become more aware of the judgments they hold against themselves (so they can release the judgment).
• Be kind, gentle, patient and understanding with themselves on a daily basis (while also strengthening their self compassion muscles so these muscles are strong when your children need them the most).
• Motivate themselves with love & compassion instead of with criticism & pressure.
• Be compassionate to others. 
  

In the comments section below, celebrate and share one way you are already compassionate with yourself.

Lesson 4: The Language of Self-Compassion

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Childern

When you and your children practice self-compassion, you are choosing to treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, patience, and understanding. You are choosing to treat yourself the same why you would treat a small child learning to walk or a person struggling or someone who just needs love!

As you and your children shift and elevate your language to be more loving and compassionate with yourselves (instead of criticizing and pressuring yourselves with negative self-talk), your happiness and success levels will elevate too.

Watch the video above to begin your journey to turn self-criticism into compassion, self-judgment into understanding, pressure into patience, and harshness into gentleness.

In the comments section below, give an example of how you could model kindness, gentleness, patience and understanding with your children. 

Lesson 5: Self-Compassion Daily Practice

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Childern

Here is Your Self-Compassion Daily Practice

1. When you first wake up, open your eyes to register you are waking, and then close your eyes again. Put your hand on your heart, or wrap yourself up in your blanket.

2. Ask your Inner Wisdom “What words do I need to hear today?” or “What words of compassion do I need to hear today?” and conjure up the energy of kindness, gentleness, understanding and patience. Allow the words to bubble up to you from your heart. If nothing comes at first from your Inner Wisdom, make something up you would love to hear.

3. Once you have received your words of compassion, repeat the words, with your hand on your heart, feeling yourself give the energy of compassion directly to yourself. Once you can really feel it (what we call the “love click”) you are set to start your day.

Note: At first you may not feel anything. This is common. Sometimes it can take weeks or months to experience the ‘love click’ where you get past the walls around your heart. But eventually everyone does breakthrough. In the meantime, make up what words you would love to hear. 

Then, Throughout The Day…

Throughout the day, in the moments you need it most, practice choosing self-compassion over self-criticism and pressure. When you find yourself being hard on yourself… stop, slow down and choose to be kind, gentle, patient, understanding and forgiving with yourself by either repeating the words you received in your morning practice or pause to ask your Inner Wisdom “What words of compassion do I need to hear right now?”

NOTE: Practice using these tools with yourself before teaching them to your children. For us to model and teach self-compassion to our children, we must first know how it feels to experience it ourselves!

Think of this like the “put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.” We are going to spend the next few days PRACTICING putting our self-compassion “oxygen masks” on first, because we can’t teach our children what we can’t model or embody ourselves.

In the comments section below, share the words of compassion you needed to hear today.

Lesson 6: A Simple, Powerful Mantra to Model Self-Compassion

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Childern

The Worst Case/Best Case/Real Case Scenario Game

This game is based on the best-selling book Reform Your Inner Mean Girl by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers.

When to use this game: You can use this with your children when they are feeling anxious, worried, confused, controlling, critical, defensive, doubtful, rejected, skeptical, or frustrated.

Why use this game? Use this to help your children return to their center and tune into their inner wisdom.

What you’ll do: You will guide your children through a series of questions to take them from the worst possible outcome, up to the best possible outcome, and then land somewhere in the middle of those two.

Watch the video above for all the details. I also model this game at the end of the self-compassion live Q&A call.

Here’s how to play:

1. Ask, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Ask them to answer honestly. Keep asking until you get to the bottom of the very worst thing.
2. Then you’re going to ask, “What is the best thing that could happen?” Ask a few more times. You can add “What other great things could happen?”
   
   
3. Last, ask, “What is likely to happen?” By this time, the negative self-talk has been disarmed, they have calmed down, and they can see that what’s likely to happen isn’t so scary after all.

Play this game with your children and notice what happens. Share any ah-ha moments in the comments below. What was their bottom worst case scenario? What was their most-likely-to happen scenario?

Lesson 7: A Simple Game to Transform Negative Self-Talk

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Childern

The Worst Case/Best Case/Real Case Scenario Game

This game is based on the best-selling book Reform Your Inner Mean Girl by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers.

When to use this game: You can use this with your children when they are feeling anxious, worried, confused, controlling, critical, defensive, doubtful, rejected, skeptical, or frustrated.

Why use this game? Use this to help your children return to their center and tune into their inner wisdom.

What you’ll do: You will guide your children through a series of questions to take them from the worst possible outcome, up to the best possible outcome, and then land somewhere in the middle of those two.

Watch the video above for all the details. I also model this game at the end of the self-compassion live Q&A call.

Here’s how to play:

1. Ask, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Ask them to answer honestly. Keep asking until you get to the bottom of the very worst thing.
2. Then you’re going to ask, “What is the best thing that could happen?” Ask a few more times. You can add “What other great things could happen?”
   
   
3. Last, ask, “What is likely to happen?” By this time, the negative self-talk has been disarmed, they have calmed down, and they can see that what’s likely to happen isn’t so scary after all.

Play this game with your children and notice what happens. Share any ah-ha moments in the comments below. What was their bottom worst case scenario? What was their most-likely-to happen scenario?

Lesson 8: Self-Trust Meditation

Listen to this introduction of self-trust before listening to the meditation.

Transform doubt, anxiety, uncertainty &
confusion into clarity, faith & confidence.

Tune into this self-trust meditation and follow your inner wisdom… no matter what.

You know those times when you doubt yourself, feel fear, trust other people’s wisdom over your own? Get confused, can’t make a decision, feel conflicted about what choice to make?

This meditation was created to give guidance to move past the outside noise, so you can tune into your own inner wisdom and then flex some faith muscles to act on what it says.

Before you listen: Think about the situation in your life that you are not trusting yourself in – an area of your life where you are uncertain, have doubt, are confused, feel anxiety, or where you are obsessively trying to control or find the answer outside of yourself. And bring this situation and those feelings into this meditation.

Listen to the Self-Trust Meditation by Christine Arylo.

This meditation is from the Madly in Love
with ME Self-Love Meditation Album

Listen to this meditation to access your inner truth. Then in the comments section below, share one small but mighty action you will take towards this truth and inner knowing.

Lesson 9: Self-Trust Pulse Check

Signs of Weak and Strong Self Trust
Where are You Weak & Where are You Strong?

Rate how true each of the following statements are for you
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

1. I act confidently when making choices.
2. I can find my way back to a calm and centered place, even during times of stress or uncertainty.
3. I trust my intuition more than my rational mind.
4. I communicate and consult with my inner wisdom when making decisions.
5. I connect with my Inner Wisdom on a daily basis.
6. I listen to my opinions over the opinions of others.
7. I can articulate how my Inner Wisdom communicates to me.

Now rate how true each of the following statements is for your children
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

Signs of Strong Trust

1. They confidently make choices and act on their guidance even when others have a different view, make different choices or if they are afraid of looking foolish.
2. They distinguish between the voice of fear and the guidance of their Inner Wisdom.
3. They listen to their opinions over opinions of others.
4. They know how to shift self-doubt into clarity and compassion.
5. They can find their way back to a calm, centered place even during times of high stress and uncertainty.

Signs of Weak Self Trust

1. They doubt themselves and get swayed by other’s opinions or by the fear of being judged.
2. They question their choices, thoughts and actions.
3. They obsess after making a choice.
4. They cannot articulate how their Inner Wisdom communicates to them.
5. They become frozen, confused, and anxious when trying to make a decision.
6. They over analyze, overthink, and obsessively run scenarios through their head, get a lot of people’s opinions or endlessly search the internet for answers.

In your journal, reflect on the following…

• Where am I weakest in self-trust…
• Where am I strongest in self-trust…
• Where are my children weakest in self-trust…
• Where are my children strongest in self-trust…
• Why teaching self trust to my kids matters to me…

In the comments section below, share why teaching self trust to the children in your life matters to you.

Lesson 10: Meeting Your Inner Wisdom and Inner Mean Girl/Inner Mean Guy

 We are teaching our children to practice accessing and trusting their Inner Wisdom every day, so when the hard stuff happens, they have a direct and open channel to their inner knowing and can find their way back to their center of truth.

Some Signs the Inner Mean Girl/Guy is Present in Kids. They:

1. Compare themselves to others –feeling inferior or like they will only be good enough if they can do the things others do. Instead of valuing and excelling at their gifts, kids judge their self-worth based on what the ‘smart’ or ‘popular’ kids do, and so never feel like they are doing or being enough.

2. Obsessively worry or think about what could go wrong. Instead of trusting things will be okay even if they aren’t perfect, kids run worse case scenarios through their mind about everything bad that could happen –with friends, school, families – leading to anxiety, insomnia, eating disorders, and depression.

3. Pressure themselves to be perfect. Instead of feeling great about doing the best they can, kids pressure themselves to get the perfect grade, play perfectly at the game, say the perfect thing to get into the right school, etc. When things don’t work out perfectly – which they never do – they internalize this as a personal failure, leading to stress, anxiety and lack of self-care.

4. Say Yes even when they know inside they should say No. Kids face tremendous amounts of peer pressure. Without a strong self-trust, at the mercy of their inner bully, a kid will go against their internal knowing to fit in, be liked or not look stupid, leading to choices that could affect their entire lives.

5. Are busy and trying to do everything, with no down time. When they are over scheduled, kids start to equate their self-worth with how busy they are or how much they achieve. They develop inner task master bullies that can’t stop doing or achieving, which leads to exhaustion, unhappiness and burn out.

In the comments section below let us know how strong your connection currently is with your Inner Wisdom. Are your strangers? Estranged? Acquaintances? Good Friends? Best Friends?

What’s Your Current Relationship with Your Inner Wisdom?

Are You Strangers? You don’t remember ever hearing the voice of your Inner Wisdom, and you are pretty convinced you don’t have one. You can’t hear the voice no matter how much you tune in. You think you might be the only person alive not to have Inner Wisdom.

Are You Estranged? You can remember a time when you did have a connection to your Inner Wisdom, but that was a long time ago. You no longer communicate with this intuitive part of you, as you’ve opted to rely more on what is rational, practical, and comfortable. If you can’t prove it or see it, you rarely trust it.

Are You Acquaintances? You have a connection and can receive guidance when you choose, but you don’t always tune in, especially in the areas of your life where you don’t like what the guidance says. You invite in your Inner Wisdom only in specific areas of your life. You don’t check in every day; you tend to tune in only when things get stressful or you are struggling.

Are You Good Friends? You receive guidance from this inner force often, but you still find it challenging to trust it and act on it. You have some kind of daily practice that allows you to tune in to your Inner Wisdom, and you do it most, if not all, days. You receive the input, but you don’t always take the counsel. You doubt your inner knowing sometimes and that stops you from taking action led by your Inner Wisdom. In certain areas of your life, you still struggle to tell the difference between your Inner Mean Girl and your Inner Wisdom.

Are You Best Friends? The main voice that runs through your mind and guides your life is your Inner Wisdom. You have a strong daily practice that you rarely, if ever, miss. When you face choices, you know how to tune in to and listen to this voice. You trust your Inner Wisdom always, even when that means making a choice different than conventional wisdom. You can discern between the voices of your Inner Mean Girl and your Inner Wisdom with precision.

Lesson 11: How Does Your Inner Wisdom Communicate with You?

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Child

How Does Your Inner Wisdom Prefer to Communicate with You? And How Does Your Children’s Inner Wisdom Prefer to Communicate with Them?

The video above is a sneak peak into the Reform Your Inner Critic module of the Path of Self Love Teacher Training. Christine Arylo and Lea Gurthie will take you through an interactive process for you to learn how your Inner Wisdom best communicates with you.

4 Inner Wisdom Channels:
Sound. Seeing. Feeling. Knowing.

(From Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers)

SOUND: Auditory. You hear things. Nope, you’re not crazy, but you will hear what can seem like voices and words in your head, as if someone is talking to you or in some cases even shouting at you. If your Inner Wisdom uses this channel, you will hear words or you will find it natural to have conversations or journal with this inner guidance. Part of mastering this channel is increasing your capacity to dialogue with this wise voice to receive guidance and to listen to what you receive with discernment but without doubt.

SEEING: Visual. You may see pictures or movies play in your head, or images or symbols may pop up. Metaphors that paint vivid pictures may sprout up easily for you. When you meditate or slow down, you may receive images or stories that seem like a movie screen playing in your mind. Part of mastering this is increasing your ability to visualize, see the patterns and symbols in things, and use pictures, images, symbols, and metaphors to tap into your intuition.

FEELING: Sensations and Emotions. Your stomach might tingle, your hands might get hot, or your throat may get tight. Some people get what is called “truth chills,” which means they feel shivers or tingles run through their body. You may reference how your body feels or how you feel inside. Feelings in your body — especially when they are uncomfortable — are a huge red flag from your Inner Wisdom to stop and feel.

KNOWING: A Deeper Inner Sense of Knowing. You just know because you know, period. You have no proof; you don’t know why you know this, but you know the truth. No words come, no pictures, and no sensation in your body. You just know and you can’t explain it. This can be the most challenging channel because there isn’t a feeling, image, story, or statement that gives you something you can call proof to yourself or others. You have to be able to stand in your own conviction to say, “I just know,” and believe it.

After watching this video, in the comments section below let us know
1) what is your primary Inner Wisdom Channel and
2) using your intuition, what are the primary Inner Wisdom Channels for your children. 

My primary Inner Wisdom channel is sound. My intuition tells me my oldest son’s primary Inner Wisdom channel is knowing (which is my second strongest channel) & my youngest son’s primary Inner Wisdom channel is sound.

Lesson 12: How to Tell the Difference Between Your Inner Mean Girl/Guy & Your Inner Wisdom

The best way to tell the difference between your Inner Mean Girl/Guy and your Inner Wisdom is to listen to your body. Your body always knows!   

Let me explain…

We each have two broadcasting stations within us – one that broadcasts the fear/shame/judgment of the Inner Mean Girl/Inner Mean Guy and one that broadcasts the wisdom, intuition and compassion (a.k.a. the loving truth) of the Inner Wisdom.

These two stations within us emit different physical and emotional ‘vibrations’ just like a broadcasting radio station emits a signal. These vibrations signal your mind to have thoughts which in turn determine and guide your actions and choices, and ultimately your reality.

Self-Love Wisdom: Most people (adults and children) are disconnected from the feelings in their body and heart. As a result, they stuff their feelings down and end up making choices based on fear instead of making choices based on their Inner Wisdom.

Once we can identify our physical and emotional feelings and understand what they are trying to tell us, we can gain the power to get what we need to feel safe & cared for and we strengthen our ability to trust our Inner Wisdom to make choices.

IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE: Help the children in your life become keenly connected to both their physical and emotional feelings so they know the difference between the voice of their Inner Mean Girl/Guy and the voice of their Inner Wisdom!

The Inner Wisdom is the voice and force of truth inside of us. It’s our inner guidance system. It knows exactly what direction will lead to the highest good and tells us the best course of action to take. It doesn’t promise a struggle free path but it can help us navigate struggles with more grace and ease and helps us avoid the bigger potholes.

The Inner Wisdom is our inner honest, give-it-to-me-straight voice (with love), that, like a trusted friend tells us the truth even when it’s hard to hear, but always with compassion and without judgment. Intuition and compassion flow through our Inner Wisdom.

Again, the best way to tell the difference between your Inner Mean Girl/Guy and your Inner Wisdom is always to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.

What is your body telling you? 

Review the physical and emotional vibes of the Inner Mean Girl/Guy and the Inner Wisdom on pages 6 + 7 of the Self-Trust Workbook.

Then notice how your own Inner Mean Girl shows up and how your Inner Wisdom feels in your body.

• What does it feel like in your body when your Inner Mean Girl/Guy is present?
• What emotions and toxic behaviors are present when your Inner Mean Girl/Guy is in charge?
• What does it feel like in your body when your Inner Wisdom is present?
• How are you responding differently in your life when you act from your Inner Wisdom?

Self-Love Wisdom: Being in relationship with our Inner Wisdom is like any other relationship – we must actively participate!

Remember… before you can teach your children how to distinguish between the voice/guidance of their Inner Mean Girl/Guy  and their Inner Wisdom… so they can TRUST the guidance of their Inner Wisdom and follow it, no matter what, you first need to be aware of your Inner Wisdom and learn how to distinguish between the voice/guidance of your Inner Mean Girl/Guy  and your Inner Wisdom.

Lesson 13: Self-Trust Daily Practice

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Child

Here is Your Self Trust Daily Practice

Every morning, before you start your day, or before you jump into work, consciously tune into your Inner Wisdom to receive messages and guidance.

Note: It’s like calling a friend – if you stop calling they stop talking to you. If it gives you guidance and you ignore it, it stops giving you guidance. So connect with your Inner Wisdom everyday.

1. When you first wake up, open your eyes to register you are waking. Then close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and take a few deep breaths.

2. Ask your Inner Wisdom “What do I need to know today?” Then listen for, visualize it, feel for, or sense for the answer. Notice what comes up and through your body. Remember you might not receive a lot at first, but don’t give up or get discouraged. Eventually your Inner Wisdom will answer!

Note: Another option is to journal with your Inner Wisdom every morning. Instead of asking your Inner Wisdom what you need to know, you can write and ask “Dear Inner Wisdom, I am listening, what is your guidance for…” or ask, “Dear Inner Wisdom, what would you like me to pay attention to today?”  And then just start free flow writing (no thinking).

Then throughout the day…

Throughout the day, in the moments you need it most, practice listening, trusting, and following your Inner Wisdom over fear or conventional wisdom.

Self-Love Wisdom: Self-trust is built one small step at a time.

So every day, as you find yourself needing to make a decision (whether it’s small, like where go to lunch or whether to reach out to someone, or it’s bigger like making a choice about a project or a relationship or even changing a job ) pause and tune into your Inner Wisdom and see what, if anything, it has to communicate to you.

1. Start by slowing down, closing your eyes, putting your hand on your heart, taking a breath, and ask “What does My Inner Wisdom know is true?”

2. Then practice receiving and following the guidance from your Inner Wisdom.

In the comments section below, share one example of how you listened to, trusted, and followed the guidance of your Inner Wisdom this week.

Lesson 14: Four Simple Ways to Model Self-Trust

Video & PDF  located at: F:\Other Media File Back Up\kajabi files\Raising Child

4 Simple Ways to Model Self Trust for Your Children

1. Talk about your Inner Wisdom openly, as your inner guidance system – and share how your Inner Wisdom may often tell you to do things that are different than what your family, friends or conventional wisdom have to say. Give them specific examples.

2. Explain to your children how your Inner Wisdom communicates with you and ask them to feel into how their Inner Wisdom communicate with them (sound, seeing, feeling, or knowing).

3. Let your children see you do your daily morning self-trust practice to connect with your Inner Wisdom. In your own words, share why you are doing this and how this is helping you strengthen your self-trust.

4. In the moment, when you notice your children are trying to make a decision (big or small), invite them to slow down, take a breath, and ask them (in your own words) “What does your Inner Wisdom know is true”?

Lesson 15: A Simple Game to Teach Self-Trust

The Stop, Drop, And Feel Game

When to use this game: You can use this game when your children are stuck in their heads, or stuck in fear, as a way to get them into their body and heart, where they can access their Inner Wisdom.

How to play: Have your children stop whatever they are doing or thinking and invite them to close their eyes and take a few breathes.

Then ask them:

1. What is your body feeling?
2. What are you feeling?
3. What do you need?

And if they don’t know what they need, give them space to feel into what they need. And then support them by helping them receive what they need.

Part 3 Self Care

The third part of Raising Children to Love Themselves focuses on self-care and how to model & teach our children how to RECEIVE WHAT THEY NEED every day – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – no matter what!

Your Self-Care Focused Actions

1. Listen to the self-care meditation

Goes to SC Meditaion lesson 16

2. Do the self-care daily practice

goes to Lesson 17: Self-Care Receiving Practice

3. Model and share self-care wisdom with your children goes to Lesson 18: Self-Care Wisdom to Model & Share with Your Children

Lesson 16: Self-Care Meditation

Self-Trust Meditation

One of the reasons we don’t receive what we need is because we are out of practice of knowing what we need. And if we don’t know what we need, how can we ask for it?  We  can’t… and our children won’t know how or can’t either.

Self Love Wisdom: If we can’t or don’t know how to ask, we can’t receive.

Self Love Wisdom: Self-care is KNOWING WHAT YOU NEED and having the inner sjtrength, love and wisdom to RECEIVE WHAT YOU NEED on all levels – emotional, mental, physical, material, and spiritual.

Listen to this meditation. People have told us that this meditation has brought them great clarity and permission to receive. May it do the same for you and your children.

Lesson 17: Self-Care Receiving Practice

Video at: F:\grafics\posl\raising children

Teach your children to choose self-care
over self-neglect & self-sacrifice!

Self-Care is choosing to make sure that YOU receive what you need every day – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – no matter what!

This self-love practice is one that Christine Arylo created and it revolutionized her life. Because of this practice, she hardly ever gets exhausted and rarely gets sick because this practice lets her know almost immediately when she is over-giving and needs to make an adjustment.

The key to this practice is to treat it as a self-love practice you do EVERY MORNING. It takes less than 3 minutes but it will make all the difference in your day and life. The full instructions are below and you can experience this practice with me in the video above. You can also download the practice here.

THREE STEP SELF-CARE PRACTICE

STEP ONE:  Check Your Life Force Energy (or Energy Tank)

To keep your energy level at least half full, which will guarantee you never serve from your reserves, means you have to know where your energy tank is every morning!

Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and ask your Inner Wisdom “How full is my energy tank today?”

Ask for a number between 0 and 100:
100 being totally full and 0 being empty. The first number that comes is THE number, no cheating. If you are below 50, you are serving from your reserves, and really you have no business giving anything to anyone else because you don’t have enough for yourself.

Here’s the scale – live by it:

STEP TWO:  Ask Your Inner Wisdom What You Need

After you get your energy tank number, you want to now ask your Inner Wisdom the most important question you will likely ask all day – “What do I need to receive today?” or just simply “What do I need today?”

To get to your Inner Wisdom’s sage council, you keep your eyes closed, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and ask the question to yourself. Keep breathing until the answer comes. It may come in a word, a sound, a picture, or a knowing.

STEP THREE: Make Sure You Receive What You Need, No Matter What!

Whatever it says, you MUST make sure you receive that today. It can often be something simple like love, hugs, peace, a nap, a walk, a yoga class – it’s the simple but little things that make self-care happen and keep your energy tanks full. You don’t need to take off to Tahiti for 7 days or hire a personal chef to replenish. Whatever it tells you, listen, act and remember this all day long.

If you haven’t been talking to your Inner Wisdom, it may at first not answer at all. That’s okay. Just make something up as your answer – something you want to receive that day. As you begin to show up for yourself, your Inner Wisdom will eventually start showing up for you.

THEN THROUGHOUT THE DAY… 

It’s your job, as your own best friend, to make sure that you RECEIVE what you need. In the moments you feel cranky, crabby, stressed, pressured, drained, tired, mad, guilty, etc., remember what you need to receive and give it to yourself. Or in the moment, ask yourself “What do I need to receive right now?”

After watching this video, in the comments section below let us know
1) what was your life force energy number today and
2) what do you need to receive today?

I am text block. Click edit button to change this text. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.

Lesson 18: Self-Care Wisdom to Model & Share with Your Children

It is better to give AND receive.

I never serve from my reserves.

I am worth taking good care of.

The better care I take care of myself
the more I can give to who and what I love.

Resting is doing something. I am resting!

Lesson 19: Self-Respect Activation Video

We are giving you special access to The Love Club’s self-respect and self-honor activation video to take a BIG STAND for honoring and respecting your body, feelings, spirit and mind. As well as taking a BIG STAND for having only loving, respectful relationships.

Lesson 20: Self-Respect Pulse Check

Signs of Weak and Strong Self Respect
Where are You Weak & Where are You Strong?

Take a moment to slow down and really feel into each of the statements below, first for yourself and then for your children. Notice where your self-respect is strong and what is being asked to be strengthened at this time. Then really feel into how these statements are or are not true for your children.

Rate how true each of the following statements are for you
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

Signs of Strong Self-Respect

1. I respect all parts of me – my spirit, mind, body and feelings.
2. I expect people to be good to me and they are or I transform or release the relationship.
3. I respect others, but not in lieu of respecting myself.
4. I only share my body and spirit with those who honor my sacredness.
5. I stand up for myself – if I find myself in a situation in which I am not being honored or respected, I speak up and take action to change it.

Signs of Weak Self-Respect

1. I disrespect myself with my words or thoughts.
2. I discount my feelings and importance.
3. I have unhealthy relationships and make self destructive choices in these relationships.
4. I let people use me or treat me poorly.
5. I make excuses for people who treat me disrespectfully or badly.

In the comments section below, share one way your children are already embodying self-respect and one way you can support your children to strengthen their self-respect.

For me, I’m celebrating how my children embody self-respect by choosing to only have kind caring friends. And one way I can support my children to strengthen their self-respect is by making them more aware of the food they put into their bodies (so they eat more foods that support and respect their bodies).

Lesson 21: Self-Respect Wisdom to Model & Teach Your Children

Self-respect is about your children

1) treating themselves as sacred – in how they think, how they treat their bodies, how they honor their spirit and soul, and how they respect their feelings,

2) choosing to only having loving, respectful relationships, and

3) standing up for themselves when they’re not being respected

Ways to Model and Teach Self-Respect…

1. Help your children see where they are strong and weak in self-respect — talk to your children about the benefits of strengthening their self-respect (and the risks of having a lack of or weak self-respect and self-honor).
2. Practice the “I Am Sacred” mantra with your children to help them FEEL their bodies, minds, spirits and emotions as sacred.
3. Weave the words sacred, self-respect and self-honor into conversations — and share how you are treating yourself as a sacred being.
4. Remind your children again and again and again that self-respect is their birth right — model this by standing up for yourself in situations when you’re not being honored or respected.
5. Share stories about when you stood up for yourself in the past when you were not respected or honored.
6. When you notice your children are lacking self-respect, ask them (in your own words) “If you were treating yourself with respect (or if you remembered that you are sacred) what action would I take right now?”
7. Teach your children how to recognize when they are in any unhealthy relationship and help them recognize when they are making self destructive choices within these relationships.

Feel into which of these really resonate with you and practice it this week.

Remember, this is not a race. This is not about a quick fix. Self-love is a path, a practice and a choice. Your role is to guide your children through shifting weak self-respect into self-respecting actions that support them to thrive and help them to stay true to themselves.

A big piece of your work is raising their awareness and holding space for them. When your children become more aware of where they have strong self-respect and where their self-respect has room to grow, shift will begin to happen. As Christine Arylo often reminds me, “Sometimes the shift will happen like lightening. Other times it may seem like it takes forever. We have no judgment about how long anything takes, just a strong invitation to stay present, respond compassionately, celebrate the shifts, be honest about the stretches and together elevate!”

Lesson 22: Love Rings

Love Rings will help you put people in their right levels of intimacy so that you can adjust your levels of vulnerability to create more harmonious connections.

It gives you the super power to set right expectations with people, eliminate drama and disappointment, while opening up the flow to bring more supportive relationships into your life.

Watch the video and then create your love rings. Click here to get a copy of the Love Rings loveplate.

In the comments section below, share where you would like to call in more love and connection!

PART 5: SELF-ESTEEM

Lesson 23: Self-Esteem Meaning and Mantras

video and pdf at F:\grafics\posl\raising children

The fifth part of Raising Children to Love Themselves focuses on self-esteem, which is choosing to have:

• A strong belief in and regard for yourself
• A strong confidence in your ability to do & be anything
• A strong belief that you are gifted
• A strong knowing that your gifts are valuable

Watch the video above to learn all about the meaning and language of self-esteem. And leave with two powerful self-esteem mantras to play with for yourself and your children.

Then every day, for the next 6 days, you’ll receive a simple but powerful tool or practice for you to strengthen your self-esteem… and FUN tools and practices to guide your children to strengthen their self-esteem.

Lesson 24: Self-Esteem Pulse Check

video on drive

Signs of Weak and Strong Self-Esteem
Where are You Weak & Where are You Strong?

Watch the video above to really feel into where you and your children are weak and strong in self-esteem (and where you are all being guided to strengthen your self-esteem).

Rate how true each of the following statements are for you
(1 = not true, 3 = sometimes true, 5 = always true)

Signs of Strong Self-Esteem

1. I believe that I can do, be, and have anything.
2. I have a high-level of self-confidence and self-regard.
3. I stand up for my beliefs and ideas unapologetically, even if others don’t agree with me.
4. I am proud of what I accomplish.
5. I choose to be the best me I can be.

Signs of Weak Self-Esteem

1. I experience self-doubt and feel inferior.
2. I put myself down.
3. I give up easily or stop short of going for what I desire.
4. I don’t believe I’m good enough.
5. I keep my thoughts to myself when I want to speak up.

In the comments section below, share what you noticed by doing this exercise. Share ways you and your children are already embodying self-esteem and how you can best support your children to strengthen their self-esteem.

Lesson 25: Self-Esteem Game – Find Your Gifts Scavenger Hunt

Video on f drive and workbook

FIND YOUR GIFTS SCAVENGER HUNT
Name, Claim and Embrace Your Gifts and Your Children’s Gifts

This self-love tool is designed to help you name and claim your gifts and the inherent gifts of your children.

Every single person, including you and your children came to this planet with gifts. We are all born with them. Your gifts are the things that come naturally to you in a way that they don’t come naturally to every other person. To express your gifts, you must be willing to embrace them. To embrace them, you must know what they are.

What follows is a tool you can use with your children to help them access and see their gifts. Watch the video above for all the details and to name and claim your own gifts!

Step One: Using the following sentence starters ask your child to speak from the heart. Listen for and write down “zing words”. Zing words (also called heart sparks) are words that really resonate with your child. Also write down your own answers – things you know are true about your child.

1. I am really good at…

2. Ever since I was little, I’ve just loved to…

3. I am happiest and most alive when I…

4. Other people always tell me I…

5. The affect I have on other people is…

6. You can always count on me to…

7. I know that I am gifted at…

Step Two: From the heart, REFLECT back to your child using the following sentence starter:

“Thank you for sharing your gifts with me.
What I really heard was…” (reflect your child’s words)
“What really sparked in my heart was…” (reflect your words)

Step Three: Invite your child to name, claim and embrace his/her gifts. Your child will name, claim and embrace his/her gifts by sharing what he/she really heard reflected and what sparked in his/her heart by proclaiming:

“I am (name),
I claim my gifts of ____________.
These gifts are my birth right.
These gifts are valuable.
I promise to embrace my unique gifts
and share them with the world.
The world needs my gifts.”

Step Four: Witness and celebrate your child and his/her gifts! Thank them again for naming and claiming their gifts with you. You can also ask them what they thought about this self-love tool, which can lead to a discussion on why it matters to name, claim and embrace your gifts.

Lesson 26: Self-Esteem Game – 108 Things You Love About You

video on f drive

108 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOU
Bring to Light Just How Gifted You Are

Step One: At the top of a piece of paper have your children write “I LOVE ME” and then have them start listing what they love about themselves. Use the sentence starters below to get them started! They do not need to complete this step all at once. Break it into smaller pieces as needed and see if they can keep going until they reach 108.

• I love that I am…
• I love that I always…
• I love that I remember…
• I love that I have…
• I am really good at…
• When I was little, I just loved…
• I feel happiest and most alive when I…
• People always tell me that…
• When I am really in my zone of brilliance I notice that people…
• You can always count on me to…
• I know that I am gifted at…
• Somethings that make me special are…

Step Two: Give your children the gift of having them make a poster or drawing of their I Love Me list! Invite them put it somewhere they can see it on a regular basis.

Lesson 27: Self-Esteem Daily Practice

video on f drive

SELF-ESTEEM DAILY PRACTICE

Take the Self-Love “I AM GIFTED” Soak
Every Morning to Reveal and Feel Your Gifts

Every morning, invite your children to reveal one of their gifts to you.  And then have them do a self-love soak by repeating the words “I am gifted and my gifts matter”.

1. Ask your children to ask their Inner Wisdom to reveal one of their gifts, by having them ask, “What is one of my gifts?” Allow the gift to bubble up from their heart. If nothing comes at first from their Inner Wisdom, they can make something up. They can ask for a new gift every day or use the same gift a few days in a row (whatever feels GOOD to them).

2. Once they have revealed their gift, invite them to repeat the mantra “I AM GIFTED & MY GIFTS MATTER” over and over again, until they can feel the vibration of love come into their bodies. At first they may not feel anything. This is common. Sometimes it can take weeks or months to experience the ‘love click’ but eventually everyone does breakthrough.

3. Remind them that throughout the day they can use this mantra “I AM GIFTED & MY GIFTS MATTER” to feel more confident in who they are and to feel more daring to share their gifts with others.